Control
by SamLani
Summary: Paul/Bella fic. No one under the age of eighteen. First fic since I started writing again. Constructive criticism welcome-please send a PM rather than use the review forum for that. Story picks up amidst New Moon but is very AU.
1. Everything

**Control**

_Chapter One: Everything_

"You came," he said softly as I stepped forward onto his dimly lit porch. He had been waiting, arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe. I shoved my hands into my jeans pockets and shrugged.

"I guess I did," I said awkwardly. He uncrossed his arms and held one hand, palm facing upwards, out to me. It was too late for hesitation but my hand still shook when I placed it carefully into his. A jolt of heat and electricity shot through my fingertips, up my wrist and through my arm at his touch. I caught part of his cocky smile as he turned to lead me inside. I resisted the urge to smack his broad shoulder and contented myself with sticking my tongue out at his back.

"I can find a better use for that tongue," he warned playfully as he closed the door and flicked on the light switch.

"How? Oh never mind," I said. He took a step toward me and unconsciously I stepped backward. A smile curved his perfect lips. We repeated this twisted tango until I felt my back hit something hard-the kitchen wall. He took a final step forward; pressing his hips squarely into my abdomen. I couldn't help the shudder that went through me at the contact and I closed my eyes. My eyes flew open when his large hands cupped my face tenderly; his deep hazel eyes serious.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked. His voice was dripping with promise. I wet my lips nervously and nodded. "Say it out loud," he prompted stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.

"I'm sure," I whispered. He drew closer, those amazing eyes still open even as his lips brushed mine gently. I couldn't stifle the whimper that came from my throat at the innocent touch and my eyes flew closed as shivers coursed through my body.

"So responsive," he murmured against my lips. His lips brushed mine with every word. Then they finally closed firmly over mine. The heat was astounding as his lips tested the pressure of my own. One of his hands slid from my cheek into my hair; anchoring my head firmly where it was as if he was afraid I would move away. I realized then, dumbly, that my arms were still loosely at my side. Hesitantly I raised one hand and placed it on his waist while the other reached up to clutch one straining bicep. An almost imperceptible shudder ran through him at my touch.

I let out a small sigh of irritation when his lips left mine. His hands dropped to my own and he placed my arms gently around his neck before letting his fall to my waist; pulling our bodies more firmly together even as his lips rained slow, sweet fire down my neck. I could feel his fingers curling into the soft skin of my hips and realized I affected him just as strongly as he affected me. His lips captured mine again in a slow, drugging kiss that made my knees buckle slightly. I ran my fingers gingerly through the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

He groaned softly against my lips and nipped at them ever so gently in response. When my lips parted he took his time tasting my lips thoroughly with his tongue before dipping his tongue into my mouth to caress mine. My fingers tightened in his hair as his grip on my hips became almost punishing. My own need for air angered me but he bent his head to my neck again; this time nipping the skin of my pulse point lightly with his teeth and then soothing the area with his tongue. I heard his soft laugh in response to my whimper.

"Kiss me," I demanded tugging his head from my neck. He resisted the pressure for a minute and then pressed his forehead to mine. Our noses brushed and he looked into my eyes.

"Come to bed with me," he said intently. His hazel eyes were full of hope…and dare I say fear? This man, this beautiful, vibrant, sexy, gorgeous man feared my rejection? I ran my hands tenderly through the hair at the nape of his neck again and his eyes closed briefly.

"Which way?" I asked before pressing my lips to his; this time moving forward and pressing my chest to his. I could hear his low growl as our bodies touch and at the same time feel his body as it relaxed into my own. I could feel that we were moving but I didn't even care where as our lips nipped and teased at each other's. I heard a muffled curse a second before my back hit another wall but his hand came up to shield my head from the blow.

"Sorry," he whispered into my neck reaching an arm out to flip on the light switch. The room was empty except for a King sized bed perched in the center of the room; its sheets tangled and rumpled. He released me to tug my shirt over my head and then immediately aligned my chest to his. The heat was all consuming as his bronze skin touched my cotton clad breasts. His hot hands fell to my hips again; this time without the barrier of my shirt. I don't know why his warmth was still startling but it was. He rubbed the skin of my hips soothingly before dipping his head to press our lips together.

And all of my reservations melted away, finally, and I surged against him curling my hands into his hair letting our kiss become more aggressive. His reaction was immediate. He thrust his tongue aggressively against mine at the same moment that his hands worked their way into the back of my jeans; cupping my boy short clad ass and pulling me firmly into him. Need, white hot and potent, flooded through me and I grabbed at his hair almost desperately. He didn't seem to notice. His hands roughly kneaded my cheeks as our tongues tangled together pressing me closer and closer against him.

"Too many clothes," I mumbled when he ripped his lips from mine in order to breathe. I ran my hands up and down his chest a few times as his lips worked my pulse point.

"I agree," he said, his voice muffled by my skin. Faster than I could track my jeans were pushed to the floor. "Step," he said softly bending over to help me step out of them. He ran his hands up my legs on his way back to standing up sending shivers up and down my spine. I didn't feel his fingers on the clasp of my bra but it fell away too, landing neatly on top of my jeans and discarded shirt. I lifted my arms around his neck and gasped in pure pleasure as our bare chests touched for the first time.

Hot, I was hot as his lips worked over mine, his hands teasingly rubbing my ass, his perfect bronze skin pressed to my own. It was a flood of sensations unlike any I had felt before and my knees buckled for real this time. He caught me easily and half carried me to the bed; setting me gently on the edge of it before stepping away. I watched as he moved around his room with ease bending to pick up my clothes and put them on top of the dresser I hadn't noticed, leaning over to light a few candles, the bunch of his muscles as he pushed his cutoffs over his hips before flicking off the light switch.

The candles provided the perfect lighting to highlight his beautiful body. He smiled wryly as he approached me and I realized that he was completely nude now. He dropped to his knees in front of me, sliding his hands smoothly up and down my bare thighs; sensing my slight anxiety over his size. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of my underwear and I lifted my hips to allow him to pull them off. His eyes were intent as they studied my now exposed sex. After a minute shyness overcame me and I moved my hand to cover the area. He caught it easily and moved it aside. He rubbed one thumb over my folds and my legs shook with the force of the pleasure that shot through me at his touch. I fell back onto my elbows on the bed and let my eyes fall closed.

The first touch of his tongue on my swollen flesh made my eyes shoot open. I didn't realize I was struggling against him until his hand came down on my belly holding me flat as the other pulled my ass to the edge of the bed. His tongue moved across my flesh again and I swear at that moment I thought my eyes were going to roll permanently into the back of my head. As soon as he was sure I wasn't going to struggle he removed his hand from my belly and slid both of his hands under my ass. The next several minutes passed in a haze of mindless pleasure as his tongue moved smoothly; expertly over my oversensitive flesh.

The force of my orgasm shook me and I sank my hands into his hair. He moved his tongue languorously over my flesh a few more times as my body quaked and shivered. I jumped when he pecked my clit and then stood. I watched him wipe his mouth with a towel I hadn't seen as his half-closed eyes surveyed me; still lying limply on the edge of the bed. I took the time to study his body; especially his hard cock jutting out from his body almost defiantly.

"Move back," he said softly bending over my body and placing a soft kiss on one nipple. I moved back obediently until my head hit his pillows and he moved over me. His hand slid between our bodies, one finger testing my readiness. I reached a shaky hand between us and grasped him carefully in one hand. His cock was hard but the skin was so soft, like silk. His eyes watched mine carefully, looking for any uncertainty. Finding none, he slid his hand sensuously down the outside of my thigh pausing to lift my leg over his hip. I ran both hands up his chest slowly then reached one hand up to cup his cheek.

"I'm ready," I said softly. He closed his eyes and nodded his head. There was intense pressure followed by a sharp pain that made me dig my nails into his biceps. I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted the tears.

"You're going to have to relax love. Just take a few breaths," he said patiently although his voice was laced with some sort of agony. Minute by minute the pain faded leaving me to feel full. There was no other way to describe it….until he started to move. His hips moved slowly against my own testing my comfort level before his movements became more fluid. Only then did he bend forward to capture my lips in his own.

He played my body the way most people played an instrument. His thrusts sped up at one point and the pleasure had me gasping his name before he moved in a slow, drugging movement that had me arching my hips up to meet his. His gaze bored into mine, drinking in every reaction, growing more heated with every whimper that escaped me. His eyes narrowed slightly when I surged up against him; my hips moving desperately against his as I sought the release he was building.

Our movements became a blur to me as his hips thrust against mine with lightning speed. Every time I tried to close my eyes he would growl his displeasure until I kept them open; meeting his heated gaze almost blindly. And then it was like a bomb detonated. All I could do was scream his name over and over. His own groans answered mine and I felt his hot release inside of me. His hips slowed and then finally became still against my own. His lips met mine in a slow, sensual kiss. I opened my eyes to meet his.

"Thank you Paul," I whispered.


	2. Nothing

**Control**

_Chapter Two: Nothing_

"Wait here," Paul said softly. Reluctantly I let him leave. I heard him moving around his small cabin before he returned. "Come with me," he said. I rose from the bed and we both laughed when my legs shook like Jell-O. I followed him down a short hallway into a surprisingly large bathroom.

"Pretty room," I said. He bent over to check the temperature of the rapidly filling bathtub and I admired the sight.

"A bath should help…with the soreness I mean," he said awkwardly turning to face me.

"Thanks," I said softly as he helped me step into the large tub. The water stung my skin at first but then soothed away the ache in my lower back. "Stay," I said quietly when he turned to leave. His expression was unreadable.

"That wasn't part of the deal," he said before letting himself out.

When the water cooled I stood and reached for the towel he had left sitting on the sink. I released the drain and used the towel to wipe the condensation from the mirror. I certainly didn't look any different. But when I moved I could feel the soreness between my thighs and the slight buzz of unused muscles being woken up. I pulled the shirt he left over my head. It fell to my knees. I hung the towel up and then followed the sounds of movement out into the kitchen. Paul was bent over, grasping the counter almost desperately. He looked up as I approached.

"We shouldn't have done that," he said. Anger flowed into me and I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Wow I was that bad huh?" I snapped. "Sorry my lack of experience disappointed you. Guess that makes it easier. Where are my pants?" I asked. His eyes were full of remorse.

"In the bedroom," he reminded me. I stomped wordlessly to the bedroom and found my jeans neatly folded on the dresser along with my underwear, shirt and bra. I glanced over at the bed almost unwillingly. It was completely made up but the old sheets were crumpled at the foot of the bed. I knew why he had removed them when I saw the large reddish stain-the proof of my true innocence. I didn't realize my legs had buckled until my knees hit the floor.

"What did I do?" I asked myself. I felt rather than heard Paul come up behind me. The floorboards squeaked as he knelt beside me.

"I didn't mean that," he said tentatively rubbing my back. We both shivered as the spark between us ignited; surprising us both. "I got spooked. Forgive me?" He asked removing his hand.

"Yeah," I said. "I better get back to Billy's before Jake comes looking." It was a lame excuse, we both knew, but it gave us both the opportunity to bail. I walked out his front door a few minutes later following the path through the woods to the Black house. I let myself in and put on a fake smile for Billy who was watching some sporting event or another.

"Did you have a good time at the movie?" He asked. I nodded.

"It was okay," I said. "Popcorn was good."

"You should head to bed. Busy day tomorrow," he said. I nodded and let myself into what had been one of Jacob's sister's rooms. I closed the door and leaned heavily on it. Tomorrow was a new day. Hopefully one with less guilt.

"So how have you been?" Emily asked settling into an overstuffed armchair with a cup of tea. I sank onto the couch and curled my legs under me.

"Where is everyone?" I asked. She took a sip of the tea and sighed.

"Most of them are on patrol but the rest are probably at home asleep, why?" She asked. I dug my fingers into my thigh.

"I slept with Paul last night," I blurted out. Emily choked on the mouthful of tea she had just taken and set her cup down.

"Did I seriously hear that right?" She asked. I nodded.

"It's a long story," I said. She glanced at the clock.

"Well Sam just left twenty minutes ago. Patrols are running at three hours right now so I would say you have about three and a half hours," she joked lightly.

"Well you know most of it I guess," I said fidgeting with my hands. "You've seen how it is."

"I never thought you would act on it," she said taking a cautious sip of her tea again.

"It just got to the point where I didn't know what to do. I thought it was the only way to get him out of my system," I said.

"Did it work?" She asked bluntly. I thought of his innocent touch on my shoulder and shook my head.

"I think it's worse," I confessed.

"That good huh?" She teased.

"Well you know," I said flushing as I remembered the feel of him inside of me.

"So the reputation is deserved?" She joked. I flushed darker and didn't answer. The door to the kitchen opening made us both sit up straighter.

"I'm just looking for some water," Paul called from the kitchen.

"There's a case in the pantry. Sorry we didn't have time to put it in the fridge," Emily called back. I heard him rummaging around in the pantry.

"I can't find it," he said. "Did Sam move it or something?"

"Bella will show you," Emily called and I froze. I didn't know that I would see him again so soon. At a pointed look from Emily I rose and walked slowly into the kitchen. Paul was nowhere to be seen so that meant he was in the pantry. I took a deep breath and stepped into the small space. I jumped as the door slammed closed and flinched when my back hit the door. Then his lips were on mine. And the spark ignited again. He was all I could feel; his hands buried in my hair, his tongue desperate on my own, the feeling of his heated skin under my fingertips.

"Paul…I…" I gasped when our lips parted but he pressed one finger to my lips. I bit my lower lip as he ran his lips over my neck.

"Did you find it?" I heard Emily call still from the living room. Paul's heated eyes searched my own. I swallowed hard at his dark gaze.

"I think it might be in the basement," I called shakily. "I thought I saw Sam go down there earlier."

"I'll check," she said. Paul didn't wait for her footsteps before his mouth descended on mine again. I pushed aside my doubts and fears as our lips met over and over until we were both panting.

"Meet me tonight," he whispered urgently as our lips parted. I hesitated and he curled his fingers tighter into my hair. "Please," he said urgently as the faint sound of Emily's footsteps came through the door. Before I could answer he released his hold and opened the pantry door. By the time Emily appeared holding the case of water he was in the dining room while I still leaned on the pantry door. Emily found me there a few minutes later.

"Oh baby you've got it bad," she said pulling me into her arms.

I sat carefully on the rock farthest away from the fire but still close enough to admire the flames against the night sky. Fire was blazing; it exuded heat that provided comfort but still it consumed everything in its path. I didn't look up when Leah sat next to me.

"Do you miss your Dad?" She asked. Leah and I had become fairly close the last few months; bonded no doubt by our shared misfortune.

"Every damn day," I said fervently. Her hand covered my own and I swallowed the lump in my throat. What would Charlie think of me now? The night he died had been without a doubt the worst of my life.

_*FLASHBACK*_

"_Wait here," Jake said holding his hand out to prevent me from walking into my house. I went still when I saw the front door cracked open. I watched in fear as Jake stepped inside. After several minutes of silence I stepped through the door hesitantly. "No!" Jake shouted. I looked up in disorientation. Blood there was so much blood covering the entryway that you could barely see the walls or floor. _

"_What…?" I asked my voice trailing off as I saw the lifeless body of my father draped grotesquely in the middle of the sea of blood. I fell to my knees not even noticing the blood seeping through my jeans. It wasn't until my throat went raw that I realized that I was screaming. _

_*END FLASHBACK*_

"But Paul…he makes you feel better," she said. I started slightly and met her knowing coal black eyes.

"How?" I asked. She shrugged.

"It's been in the way you two look at each other for months and now you are avoiding each other like the plague," she said. I twisted my hands in my lap as I stared back into the fire.

"He makes me forget," I said softly. "For just a little while I am not the vampire girl or the clumsy girl or the little girl who lost her father. For just a brief moment in time I was just a woman and he was just a man," I uttered. She squeezed my hand tightly.

"Take it where you can get it," she said before roughly hugging me. When she walked away I realized she was probably right. Paul's eyes met mine briefly over the bonfire. The heat and promise in his eyes was more scorching than any fire could ever be. I bit my lip and looked away.


	3. More

**Control**

_Chapter Three: More_

"Where are you going?" Jake asked as I tiptoed across the living room.

"Leah's," I lied smoothly but he shook his head.

"She and Embry went to Port Angeles. Try the truth this time," he said flipping on the lamp. I let out a sigh and rubbed my forehead.

"I am going to Paul's house," I said. Shock filled his face followed quickly by anger.

"You told me you needed time," he snapped. I didn't say anything. "You told me that you needed space."

"You wouldn't understand," I said reaching for my jacket but he blocked me from the door.

"Try me," he said.

"Fine," I snapped. "You and me would be something-something serious right away. I can't handle that. Paul makes no demands on my heart the way you do." He looked like I had slapped him across the face. He took a shaking step back.

"I didn't realize love was a demand," he said. I wanted to move forward and take him into my arms but the damage had been done.

"I'll be back in the morning," I said quietly. "Tell Billy not to worry."

"I really didn't think you were coming," he said opening the door a few moments after my soft knock.

"I didn't think I was either," I said stepping inside. There was a soft click as the door closed but Paul remained behind me.

"I heard what you said to Leah; about your Dad," he said hesitantly.

"Don't," I said firmly. I felt his arms slide around me from behind and he dropped his chin to my shoulder.

"It's okay to miss him," he said. And the floodgates opened. He let me fall to my knees on the plush carpet, he held me as I screamed my pain to the world. My father, the only man who would have never left me willingly, was gone. And it was my fault. I screamed and cried until my throat ached and the tears ran dry. My lips sought his blindly and I melted into his warmth. His response was hesitant; uncertain.

"Touch me," I breathed against his lips. His hands shakily cupped my cheeks.

"I don't know if this is a good idea right this minute," he said even as his lips brushed mine. I let my lips answer and curled my hands into his smooth silky hair. His kiss was careful and calculated and I couldn't hold back my whimper of frustration. He deepened our kiss in response and pulled me to straddle him. Our bodies brushed as we savored the taste of each other; give and take but mostly…just give.

"Bedroom," I choked out when his lips left mine to once again torment my pulse point.

"Not yet," he murmured into my skin giving the delicate skin a soft nip. "Tonight I am going to worship every inch of your pretty pink skin," he whispered into my ear before biting down gently on my earlobe. "Would you like that?" He asked scraping his teeth ever so gently at the sensitive spot just under my earlobe. I nodded incoherently. "Use your words," he teased resting his lips at my pulse point.

"Please," was all I could choke out as he traced my pulse with the tip of his tongue.

"Lay back," he said softly releasing his grip on my hips. I complied and sank into the surprisingly soft carpet. His finger tips grazed my belly as he lifted the hem of my shirt pressing warm kisses to the skin he uncovered. I could feel my muscles shaking as I restrained myself from covering my skin again. He lifted me up gently to pull my shirt over my head and smiled in an almost predatory way when he discovered that I wasn't wearing a bra tonight. The intent look in his eyes left me reeling and I once again lifted my hands to cover myself. He caught my wrists with one hand and pressed them over my head.

"Paul…" I said hesitantly as his lips grazed the underside of my left breast. His hand released my own and I relaxed again into his touch. By the time his lips finally closed over my nipple I was shaking and panting. I could feel him chuckle against my skin.

"Not so shy now," he said fiddling with the button on my jeans. I could feel myself turning red but I pushed aside the embarrassment as he worked my jeans off slowly followed more swiftly by my underwear. His fingers traced the skin he uncovered gently-almost reverently. His hands were shaking slightly as they stroked and teased belying his own nervousness. His bronze skin was a sharp contrast to my own pale skin and I noticed with some pleasure that the contrast was pleasing to the eye.

His lips followed the path his fingers had taken brushing my hips, outer thighs and even brushing my bellybutton but studiously avoiding the pulse between my legs. He still had sweatpants on but I could see his cock straining through the material. His tongue brushing over my aching clit ever so softly shoved every thought in my head away.

"Look at me," he said softly the air from his lips fanning my heated core. I realized my eyes were screwed shut but shook my head. His tongue flicked quick as lightning over me just once and my eyes shot open and locked with his. I watched in half-fascination and half-embarrassment as he used two fingers to part my slick lower lips. "Last night was too fast," he said in a smooth voice that made my legs shake. His eyes locked with mine as he flicked my clit with a feather light tongue, watching my response.

"Paul," I said softly not even able to complete my thought. He seemed to understand.

"Close your eyes pet and enjoy," he said. Pleasure-slow, mind-numbing, soul shaking pleasure coursed through my body as he moved his lips and tongue over me. He was devouring me, scorching me with his heat and my body shook from head to toe as he coaxed me through not one but three orgasms. When he finally lifted his head from my soaked still burning flesh his lips were covered in moisture. It was probably the most erotic thing I had ever seen. He wiped his face absently as he pulled his sweatpants off. I licked my lips as I watched his easy movements through half-closed eyes. He was so at ease with his own body; his own nudity.

"Can I…?" I began before breaking my sentence. He raised one eyebrow at me.

"Can you what kitten?" He asked. His voice practically oozed sex and fresh arousal rushed through me. I watched as his hand stroked his cock almost lazily; absentmindedly.

"Can I touch you?" I asked barely recognizing my own voice. It came out hoarse and throaty. His smile was my answer and he dropped to the carpet beside me propping himself up on his elbow and looking at me almost insolently.

"Have at it," he said casually. I reached out a shaky hand and laid it flat over his heartbeat which betrayed his true feelings. The beat was hard and strong and as fast as my own. I let my fingers trail over his chest before brushing them gently over his stomach. His muscles there clenched at my touch and I smiled when I heard his sharp intake of breath. He let out the air he had been holding when my fingertip traced just the tip of his cock. Again I was struck by the softness of the skin there.

I shifted myself down his body farther so I could reach every inch of his cock without straining. I laid my head on his chest and ran my fingers over his hard length. His body quaked under my fingertips and I bit back my laugh. This man, this wolf, could crush me in an instant but here he was shaking under my light touches. He pushed my hand away after a few minutes of light touching. His lips covered mine and he pulled me firmly against his body still shaking slightly from my tentative caresses.

"I don't think we are going to make it to the bedroom," I mumbled when his lips left mine. He rolled onto his back pulling me over to straddle him. I tensed as he entered me but there was no pain this time; only sweet pleasure as he filled me. I braced my hands on his chest for balance as his hands fell to my hips-teaching me to ride him. When I picked up the rhythm his hands lifted to my breasts; teasing and pinching my nipples while his hot eyes watched me move over him. The carpet bit painfully into my knees but I barely noticed as yet another orgasm shot through my body. He cradled me gently as I fell forward onto his chest.

"So greedy," he teased after holding me for a minute and I realized he was still hard inside of me. "Can we go to the bedroom now?" He asked. His hands were stroking my back gently and I nodded into his chest. I couldn't stop my sigh of disappointment as he lifted me slightly letting his cock slide out. He laughed and then helped me stand.

"My legs feel like Jell-O," I complained moving towards his closed bedroom door. I looked back to find his heated eyes on my body, watching me as I walked to his room. I licked my lips nervously. "Are you coming?" I asked.

"I want you on your hands and knees in the center of my bed before I get in there," he almost growled; eyes dark with lust. My knees shook but I opened the door and scrambled onto his bed. By the time he appeared in the doorway I was as he had requested and felt more exposed than I ever had in my life. The bed dipped as he came up behind me and I flinched when his hands grasped my hips. Slowly I relaxed into his soft caresses. A sigh escaped me when he slid into me once again.

Then there was nothing but him and me. Nothing but the feel of his hot hands at my hips; nothing but the sound of our flesh slapping together punctuated by his moans and my whimpers; nothing but the sparks that seemed to be shooting through our bodies like heroin. My knees collapsed under our combined weight as both of our releases broke. I felt a sharp pain on my neck followed by pure pleasure as his tongue laved the spot he had just bitten.

This time he pulled me into his arms when he withdrew from me. I snuggled back against him; letting my body drink in his warmth as my heart rate returned to normal. His hands weren't still but they moved gently over my slight curves one finally coming to rest on my belly as his chin touched my shoulder. The silence was perfection and I felt myself drift off to sleep clasped in his strong arms.


	4. Broken

**Control**

_Chapter Four: Broken_

"Paul where is your orange juice?" A male voice was asking from far away pulling me out of my sleep. Paul was curled around me; nose buried in my hair and hand still resting possessively on my stomach. "Paul?" the voice asked this time closer. Was I dreaming? I shook my head slightly and Paul lifted his head off of my hair.

"What the hell?" He asked in a rough voice not releasing his grip on me.

"Oh shit sorry!" The voice said from the doorway and I heard footsteps scurrying back into the kitchen.

"Seth," Paul rumbled in my ear shifting the hand on my belly up to cup my breast. I swatted at him and he released me with a laugh. "Serves him right. He should have known when he saw our clothes scattered on the floor." I tumbled from the bed and searched the nearby dresser for a shirt then tugging it over my head and noting with satisfaction that it fell to my knees.

"Ass," I muttered as I padded barefoot to the kitchen. Seth was sitting at the table clutching a glass of orange juice.

"I found it," he said avoiding my gaze. I sighed and opened the fridge.

"How does an egg sandwich sound?" I asked grasping a carton of eggs and pulling them out of the fridge. I heard the shower go on as I whipped the eggs and dumped them into a heated frying pan. By the time Paul came out, clad in only boxers, Seth was happily finishing his third sandwich.

"And that is why you should knock," Paul teased Seth before coming up behind me at the stove. "Can I please have a sandwich?" He asked directly into my ear as his hands grasped my hips.

"How many?" I managed to choke out. His tongue touched my earlobe.

"As many as you would like to make for me kitten," he said releasing me to open the fridge. I felt Seth's eyes on us during the exchange but he didn't comment. A few minutes later I set a couple of sandwiches in front of him on the table. I was just about to take a bite of my apple when Seth jumped out of his chair.

"Holy shit what happened to your neck?" He asked in a panic. My neck? Paul stood at once and ran his fingers lightly down the right side of my neck. It wasn't until his fingers touched it that I realized how tender the skin was there. A flash of heat went through me as I remembered the feel of Paul inside of me still as his teeth sank into my neck the night before.

"I am so fucked," he whispered stepping away from me. Seth looked dumbfounded.

"Is that what I think it is?" Seth demanded. When Paul nodded slowly Seth let out a low whistle.

"Sam is going to kill you," he said.

Sam's hands were almost clinical as they probed the bite mark on my neck. Paul stood in the corner, arms crossed, leaning heavily against the wall.

"Does it hurt?" Sam asked. Emily's eyes met mine across the room. I shook my head.

"It's just a little tender," I said.

"A little ibuprofen should help that," Emily said standing and motioning for me to follow her. I followed her to the kitchen and she let out the breath she had been holding. "Sam is going to kill Paul," she muttered pressing a small bottle into my hands.

"Seriously is someone going to tell me what is going on?" I asked swallowing the small brown pills with some water.

"I'm not entirely sure it's my place to say," she said hesitantly.

"Fine," I snapped and walked back into the dining room. "Someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on here," I said glaring pointedly at Paul.

"Tell her what you have done," Sam ordered him. Paul shook his head and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

"You tell me then," I said leaning against the counter.

"That mark on your neck, where he bit you, is how our kind marks their mates," he said.

"Mates…" I said slowly. "But I am not…" my voice trailed off as Sam nodded.

"That day when you confronted us out by Jacob's house…Paul imprinted on you," he said. And the world fell away. I felt the hard tile bite into my knees as I hit the floor and the feel of it striking my temple before everything went black.

"Where am I?" I asked thickly as bright lights filled my vision.

"Hold still you're in the emergency room," came Emily's voice.

"She has a mild concussion but she should be fine," a doctor's voice said. "We'll keep her here overnight but she should be good to go by morning."

"Thank you doctor," I heard Sam say.

"Paul," I managed to squeeze out. I felt a warm hand squeeze mine.

"Go to sleep kitten," he whispered. "I'll be here." I don't know how long I slept but when I woke up his hand was still in mine.

"Water," I said softly and he pressed a cup into my hand. I struggled to sit up and then drank the entire cup of water.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I wanted to tell you a thousand times but you were so hurt…so…" his voice trailed off as he struggled to find the words.

"Broken," I supplied and he nodded.

"And then you came to me and you asked me, begged me, to sleep with you and I couldn't…I couldn't say no," he said. "And I thought that would be the end of it. I thought that I could stay away. But I can't…I couldn't," he said. I chose my words carefully, knowing they would hurt, but not wanting him to break.

"And you need to know that I can't…I won't be what you need from me. I can't risk my heart like that again," I said. "I won't risk it again," I whispered. His hand fell from mine and I watched as a wall came up in front of them.

"I'll send Emily in," he said in a cold hard voice I didn't recognize.

"You really fucked up this time," Leah greeted me as she pushed past Emily into the hospital room.

"Hi Leah how are you?" I asked sarcastically struggling to sit up. My head swam and I tried to see straight.

"I'll go get you some water," Emily said patting my hand and sending a warning look to Leah. When she was gone Leah sighed heavily.

"Paul left the reservation today," she said. I bit my lip and didn't respond. "We don't know when he is coming back."

"I don't know what to say Leah," I admitted finally.

"I want you to say that you messed up and that you are going to fix this before it's too late," she said.

"I didn't ask for any of this Leah," I said trying to rein in my anger for the sake of the headache building up in my head.

"None of us did," she retorted. "But you don't see us running scared." Her dark eyes dared me to argue.

"Listen to me carefully Leah," I said with calmness I didn't feel. "I nearly lost my life to a love so consuming that it nearly burned me alive. I crawled out of the abyss and even now I am still broken because of it. I can't do it again Leah. I won't survive it this time," I explained. I couldn't stop my voice from wavering and her eyes softened.

"That wasn't love Bells," she whispered. "And I think we both know that." Before I could respond Emily bustled back into the room with the water she had promised. Once everyone was gone I was lost in the silence as the echo of Leah's words still rang through my head.


	5. Breaking

**Control**

_Chapter Five: Breaking_

"So you two still haven't talked I take it," Emily asked passing me a bowl of potatoes to peel. We had a rare moment alone in the kitchen while the guys were out cliff diving. I grabbed the peeler and began attacking the potatoes.

"No," I said after a full minute of silence. Emily sighed.

"Bella it has been two weeks," she said peeling the skins from garlic and tossing it into a bowl.

"He came back without my help," I muttered. "Its fine, we're fine."

"Bella I think we both know that neither of you are fine," she said helping me peel the potatoes over the sink.

"He's fine without me," I said. "And me…I'll never be fine with or without him so why bring him into the mess?" I asked.

"He should have a choice whether or not to be in the mess," she pointed out. I let my eyes focus on the potato and chose not to answer.

"Yes, he should," came Paul's voice from behind us and I tried not to jump.

"I'll just give you a few minutes," Emily said drying her hands and practically running from the room. I didn't turn away from the sink but I heard Paul move beside me.

"Are you ever going to talk to me?" He asked. I didn't chance looking at him as I shook my head. "Fine then I'll talk," he said sounding angry. He shut the water off and pulled the last potato from my hands. I stared down at the place where his hand easily circled both of my wrists. "Look at me Bella," he said. Reluctantly I raised my eyes to his.

"I don't want to talk," I said. His eyes darkened a shade and I bit my lip.

"You can't keep pushing me away," he said. I tried to pull my hands from his but he held them tighter. "You don't get to decide whether or not you are too broken for me," he said and his voice was slightly softer.

"Paul let go," I said quietly. His grip loosened and I pulled my hands away. He bent forward and brushed the hair away from my ear as he leaned in.

"I will change your mind," he said and I suppressed a shiver as his warm breath caressed my ears.

"I think you should go," I said. After a minute he sighed and turned to leave.

"I'll see you at the party tonight," he said. I leaned heavily on the counter once he was gone. Emily came in a few minutes later and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm fine," I said shaking her hand off. "I'm fine," I repeated and didn't know who I was trying to convince-Emily or myself.

"You can't wear that," Leah said flopping onto my bed in Emily's guest room that night. I looked down at my worn jeans and black shirt and shrugged.

"Why not?" I asked shoving my feet into my well worn converse and closing the closet.

"Just change," she said. "We're supposed to be celebrating Sam's birthday and you look like you are going to a funeral."

"Fine," I snapped. I threw the closet door open and stood aside. "Pick whatever the hell you want and I will put it on. But no matter what you put me in I am not getting back with Paul." I threw myself onto the desk chair and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I didn't ask you to," she retorted. She tossed me a black sundress and a pair of flip flops. "I just think your grumpiness shouldn't affect everyone else." I changed into the dress reluctantly and let her French braid my hair.

"Perfect," she said grabbing my hand. "Let's go!" I let her drag me down to the beach where the bonfire was already lit and raging. I couldn't stop my heart from jumping a little when I noticed Paul sitting next to the bonfire chugging a beer. I quickly focused my attention on Emily who was dishing up plates for everyone.

"You look amazing," Emily said handing me a plate with just potato salad on it.

"Leah picked it," I said plucking at the hem of the dress.

"Well you look great," she said again. "Here take this to Paul," she said shoving a plate with three burgers into my hands before I could protest. His eyes locked with mine as I moved slowly towards him.

"Emily wanted me to bring you this," I said thrusting the plate into his hands. His eyes never left mine and I was locked; frozen into place as if his eyes held some power over my movement.

"You look nice tonight," he said finally.

"Leah made me," I managed to choke out before I flew back to Emily's side. Paul's amused eyes followed my clumsy dash before he started eating.

"Chicken," Leah taunted me as I sat next to her on a large rock.

"Bite me," I retorted and she grinned ear to ear.

"There is some of that fire," she said approvingly. "I thought you might have lost it when you hit your head."

"Oh shut up," I said taking a bite of potato salad and looking everywhere except for at Paul. Sam and Jacob were arm wrestling while the rest of the pack placed bets, Kim and Jared were feeding each other bites of food (insert ick here) and Emily was still passing out food. I finished my food and leaned back on my hands. The night was unusually warm and I let the slightly damp salt breeze wash over me. Someone kicked my foot and I looked up in annoyance. Paul was standing over me; hand outstretched.

"Let's go for a walk," he said in a tone that suggested he was repeating himself. I chanced a glance at Leah who was smirking. Obviously she was going to be no help. I slid my hand into his hot one and ignored the ever present spark lighting between us as he pulled me to my feet. He let go of my hand after a few steps. We walked in silence for almost a mile.

"We should get back," I said finally stopping at the water's edge.

"Well I think we should talk," he said from a few steps away.

"I don't have anything to say," I protested weakly as he stepped forward; fitting me effortlessly into his arms.

"I've heard what you have to say," he said dropping his lips to my neck and raining fire on my skin. My mind was cloudy; my knees weak. "And I respectfully disagree," he continued placing a burning kiss just under my ear.

"Paul," I protested weakly.

"Shh," he said. "It's my turn to talk," he said letting his fingers skim the hem of my skirt. I could feel my heart stuttering and felt him smile against my neck. "You think you get to decide if I am allowed to love you but you're not the one who dictates that; I am. You can only control your reaction to me and judging by your heartbeat I think I am right in saying that as a starting off point you desire me," his voice was low and hypnotic in the moonlight and I could feel my knees quivering. "I can work with that. Let me touch you, let me breathe you in for just awhile. Let me worry about my own heart," he persuaded. I took deep lung-fulls of the salt air and nodded. For now…that would have to be enough.


	6. Weak

**Control**

_Chapter Six-Weak_

I followed Paul back to the bonfire in a daze. His hand firmly held my own and I didn't even try to resist. His heat was intoxicating and I could feel my own face flaming in the cool, damp air. I saw Leah's knowing smile as Paul practically dragged me past the bonfire and ignored Quil's wolf whistle. When I stubbed my toe on a rock Paul scooped me up almost carelessly and carried me the rest of the way to his cabin. I jumped when he kicked his front door open and then used his heel to close it behind him. Only then did his lips fall to my own.

White hot need shot through my body as his lips played over mine. I didn't realize my feet were back on the floor until I felt my back hit the front door. I curled my toes into the carpet and pressed into him. His lips left mine and he released a tiny sigh against the side of my neck. I curled my fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and tried to catch a breath. I could do this. I could just have sex with Paul. It didn't have to mean anything but what it was-a release of kinds.

"I want you," I confessed and his control snapped at that moment. His lips were savage and demanding on my own. I winced slightly as his fingers curled roughly into my hips and he loosened his grip. He tasted like the beer he had been drinking but instead of turning me off it fueled my own arousal and I clutched at his hair. His hands pressed me even closer to his heat until I felt like I was surrounded by him; consumed by him. My hands fell to the grey button up shirt he was wearing and I fumbled with the buttons until his shirt fell open.

I touched his skin greedily; drinking in the feel of his skin under my fingertips. His eyes were hazy when they met mine and his hands cupped my face. He rubbed his lips over mine gently this time and I felt his hands tangle in my hair. This kiss was gentle, teasing and infuriating. Every time I moved to deepen the kiss he would move away to rain kisses along my neck or my shoulder or between my breasts.

"God I missed this," he whispered against my lips as my hands clutched at his shoulders. His hands tilted my head to the side and he kissed the fading teeth marks there. I gasped as heat spiraled from the spot where his lips touched my skin all the way to my core. I couldn't stop the whimper that came from my throat as his teeth grazed the skin there. I could feel his lips curve into a smile against my skin before he returned his lips to my own. His hands left my hair and trailed to the curve of my back. I felt the cool air hit the back of my thighs as he pulled the hem of my dress up.

"Bedroom," I said as our lips parted for a moment. He shook his head and dropped his lips back to my own as his hands pulled my underwear until they ripped. Then his hand was between us fumbling with his jeans until they opened. With surprisingly gentle hands he lifted me and I curled my legs around his hips. We both gasped as he entered me and I bit my lip. I don't know if I would ever get used to the incredible feeling of having Paul inside of me. His uneven breathing told me that he was not as in control as he thought he was.

He thrust once and the wood of the door bit painfully into my ass. Before I could say anything he was moving across the room until he was sitting on the couch, my legs straddling his. His hazel eyes were filled with tenderness and I avoided the openness by closing my eyes and moving my hips experimentally. His hands fell to my hips and guided my rhythm until I was shaking and gasping and quivering in his arms as orgasm broke over me. His fingertips trailed over my slightly damp skin as I recovered pressing my face into his neck. I knew I was blushing and it infuriated me.

I felt his hands moving then and I realized that my dress was still on. I lifted my arms and let him pull it over my head. A sigh escaped me as my breasts touched his chest. His thighs tensed momentarily below my own and he stood moving us through the house. He pressed me down on the bed and I could feel one of his hands curl into my own as the other lifted one leg over his hip. And then there was only pleasure spiraling out of control as we moved together. Dimly I felt his lips fall to my neck and then a sharp pain right before our pleasure broke.

His hips moved lazily against mine for a moment before he went still, his hand still clasped firmly in my own and his lips still pressed to my skin. I felt like my skin was glowing from the inside out. Paul rolled to his side and pulled me with him. I laid my cheek against his chest and listened to his heartbeat return to normal. After a few minutes I tried to pull back but he resisted me.

"Cuddling wasn't part of the deal," I said and his arm released me. I didn't turn to see his face-knowing hurt shone in his eyes.

"I don't remember making a deal," he said lazily and I could feel him stretching as I moved to the side of the bed. "I remember telling you to let me worry about my own heart. And I want to hold you right now." His arm shot out and pulled me backwards against him and he curved his body around mine.

"Paul," I protested weakly but his hand came out to pull me back against him more firmly, anchoring me to him with his hand on my stomach.

"Shh," he said. "Go to sleep." I wanted to argue but my eyes were falling closed within a minute and then only seconds later I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Voices made me stir and I realized that I was alone in Paul's bed. I stretched slowly and reached for the glass of water he left out for me on his nightstand. The voices were coming from the kitchen so I dug into Paul's drawers and found a pair of boxers and a long brown shirt. As I made my way down the hallway I realized the other voice was Sam's and I froze halfway down the hall.

"That's between Bella and I," Paul was saying.

"You know damn well that you are taking advantage," Sam retorted.

"Sam, I know you are worried about her, but she is tougher than you think. She will not be the one to get hurt in all of this," Paul said.

"I'm worried about you both," Sam said. I heard a chair move and realized they were sitting down at the kitchen table.

"We'll figure it out," Paul assured him. "Regardless of what Bella feels for me I love her and I will take whatever little piece of her that she is willing to give to me."

"And if I ordered you to leave her alone?" Sam asked. Anxiety rose in my chest and I put my hand against the wall to steady myself.

"I wouldn't listen," Paul said. I coughed noisily as I made my way to the kitchen and they fell silent.

"Good morning Bella," Sam said politely. I nodded to him and poured myself a glass of milk.

"Well Sam thanks for the advice but I think you should leave," Paul said. Sam waved at me before heading out the front door.

"You heard all of that didn't you?" Paul asked. I didn't bother trying to deny it.

"Yes," I said draining the glass of milk and rinsing it out. I lifted myself onto the countertop.

"And…" Paul said. I shrugged.

"You told me you would worry about yourself so I guess I will have to let you do that," I said.

"I did say that," he agreed.

"Okay then," I said. His eyes were unreadable as he stood and approached me. He lifted me down from the counter.

"We have to go. Sam needs me over for a pack meeting. Leah is going to take Emily and you to the grocery store," he said.


	7. Everything and Nothing

**Control**

_Chapter Seven: Everything and Nothing_

"So you caved," Leah said as we wandered the aisles at the grocery store. Emily was next door at the butcher's shop ordering her weight in meat.

"More like he caved," I said grabbing a few jars of jelly and arranging them in my basket. "He told me that he would worry about his own heart in all of this."

"For the record I don't think you are capable of not worrying about his feelings," Leah said piling ten loaves of bread in her cart. "It's not in your nature to be so callous Bells." I shifted a few things in the cart to make room for peanut butter and then straightened.

"It's his choice Leah. He is a big boy. I told him that I wasn't capable of love again and he made it clear that it was his burden to bear and not mine," I said.

"That's the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard," she said bluntly and I muffled a laugh. Trust Leah to tell you her opinion without reservation.

"So what's this meeting about?" I asked changing the subject smoothly as I loaded cans of tuna into Leah's cart.

"Tactics," she answered. "That red-headed bitch is still somehow evading us and it's driving Sam up the wall." I tried to contain the panic that rose in my throat at the casual mention of Victoria. I tried to block out the vision of Charlie lying in a pool of his own blood. My hands shook and I grasped the side of the cart for support.

"I'm fine," I said dully when Leah's hand touched my back. I focused on breathing until the panic slipped away.

"I'm sorry," she said after a minute. "I didn't realize." I let out a shaky laugh.

"That I was still such a basket case?" I joked. She didn't laugh.

"Bella," she said but Emily showing up cut her off.

"Almost done?" She asked oblivious to the tension.

"What's for dinner?" Quil asked the second we stepped into the kitchen. Sam reached out and smacked him in the back of the head.

"Go carry in the groceries for them," he ordered everyone at the table. I avoided Paul's searching gaze and unloaded the bags I was holding onto the counter. I nearly jumped out of my skin when Sam placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Hey come talk," he said. "The guys can finish unloading the food." I followed him out back without argument and settled myself into a green wicker chair that I knew Sam had made for Emily.

"It's not a big deal," I said after a minute.

"I hate to say this but maybe you should be talking to someone," Sam said. "After everything you went through you just moved here and hid from it all." I smiled wryly.

"You're probably right but to be honest Sam as long as I am here I can't exactly hide," I pointed out.

"You're probably right," he agreed. "Just seriously promise me that if you need to talk about all of this let me know and we can find someone." I agreed and he left me outside to think. A few minutes later Paul came out.

"Seriously not now," I said when he knelt in front of me. I bent my head so I didn't have to see his eyes and felt the tears building up. Damn it. A tear slipped and landed on my jeans. His hands slid back and forth on my thighs in a soothing rhythm as I cried.

"Maybe you should talk to someone," he said when my tears finally stopped. I let out a short laugh.

"That's exactly what Sam said," I told him and he laughed too. I finally met his eyes and they were filled with tenderness that made panic rush up inside of me again. I pulled away from his hands and stood.

"Bella?" He asked warily. I didn't turn to face him.

"I should help with dinner," I said.

I avoided Paul like the plague the next week. I focused on helping Emily feed the pack and lost myself in the mindless rhythm of my days. Paul didn't push me but I could sense every time I saw him that he was unhappy at our forced separation. His eyes followed my every movement and he didn't laugh and joke around with the pack. Luckily Sam had everyone running patrols pretty much non-stop so the time we did spend around each other was short.

"Where's Emily?" He asked coming into the house early one morning as I scrambled some eggs for myself. I tried not to jump at his voice.

"Still in bed," I said as he flopped down on a chair. "She's not feeling well. Do you want something to eat?" I asked politely.

"If it's not too much trouble," he said meeting my eyes. I dumped my eggs onto a plate and made him a few egg and bacon sandwiches. When I set them on the table he grabbed me by the wrist. "Thanks," he said pressing a kiss to the inside of my wrist before releasing me. I swayed slightly on the spot but then practically ran to the kitchen to eat my breakfast.

"Coffee?" Emily croaked from the doorway. I poured her and mug and she sweetened it with some sugar before taking a sip. "I don't know why I am so damn tired." Paul snorted a laugh and we both turned to look at him.

"Seriously Em?" He asked bringing his plate into the kitchen and rinsing it.

"Stop being a dick," I said and he shrugged.

"You're pregnant Em," he said and sauntered outside.

"So what did Sam say?" I asked that afternoon. When Sam had returned from patrols I had excused myself to the beach to allow them time to talk. At present Emily was sipping tea tranquilly at the table while I diced tomatoes for a pasta salad.

"He's happy but a little nervous," she said.

"Happy is good," I mumbled dumping handfuls of tomatoes on top of a huge bowl of rotini pasta.

"Leah told me what happened at the store," she said after a minute of silence. "If you need to talk…" she let her voice trail off after one look at my forbidding expression. I finished the pasta salad and then found room for it in the refrigerator. I was just sitting down for a cup of tea when Paul, Sam and Embry came in. I sprang to my feet.

"Beach," I managed to mumble shooting out the back door. I didn't want to see or talk to Paul. I headed for a spot not too far from the house and flopped to the pebbly ground. I picked up a handful of pebbles and then let them slide through my fingers like water.

"You're avoiding me," Paul said from behind me. I shook my head but didn't verbally deny his claim.

"I needed some air," I managed to say. I didn't look over when he sank to the beach next to me.

"I thought we agreed that I could worry about my own heart," he said after about ten minutes of silence between us.

"Paul just not right now," I interrupted. "Now is not the time to be dealing with all of this." My voice came out sharper and harsher than I intended.

"Fine then tell me what happened in the store," he said. And my control snapped. I sprang to my feet.

"You want to know what happened? Fine, I will tell you what happened. Every time vampires are mentioned I see my Dad, dead, lying in a pool of his own blood. What did he do to deserve all of this? Nothing! I brought vampires into my life and he had to pay for my mistake. Then I am dragged here and everyone wants something from me. Guess what Paul? I have nothing left to give anyone. Nothing!" I scream before turning and heading for the house. I barely made it two steps before Paul's hand was on my arm and before I could stop myself I turned and flung myself into his arms. He caught me easily and I cried my pain into his shoulder as his hands stroked my hair and back. When my tears subsided he pulled back and gave me a wry smile.

"Maybe you should talk to someone," he said.


	8. Compromise

**Control**

_Chapter Eight: Compromise_

"Maybe he is right," Leah said the next day over coffee. Sam had begrudgingly allowed us to drive to Port Angeles for what Leah deemed a "girls" day.

"And tell them what exactly?" I asked blowing on the latte I was holding. "I fell in love with a vampire which in turn in a roundabout way brought about my father's murder which I can see every time I close my eyes?" I asked sarcastically. She arched one dark brow at me.

"Or I was hoodwinked by one guy and in turn have declared war on the one guy who will never leave me," she suggested. I threw a sugar packet at her, missing by a mile, and scowled.

"I think its best not discussed with anyone outside the pack," I said taking a cautious sip of my coffee.

"Well you need to get over your issues with Paul," she declared.

"Seriously Leah let's just agree to disagree on the subject of Paul," I offered. She raised one eyebrow again.

"Like that will happen," she says and I had to laugh at her determination. "Seriously Bella you need to stop comparing him to that leech that broke your heart. And before you argue with me let me point out that your only reason for not giving him a fair shake is because you think he will leave you. The thought is so insulting to him that he almost throws up just thinking about it," she finished.

"I don't compare them," I said moodily leaning back in my chair.

"You do. You are constantly telling him and everyone that will listen how you were so in love with him and you can't do that again with Paul. How do you think that makes him feel?" She asks.

"It's not the same…" I begin but she cuts me off.

"It is the same. You are clearly implying that Paul is not worthy of that from you," she points out. I closed my mouth and consider her words. Do I compare the two? Is there even a measurement for that? I close my eyes and think back forcefully to the few times that Edward had touched my skin. They couldn't hold a candle to Paul's fiery touch or kiss.

"Oh god," I said. Leah smiled.

"Alright girlfriend let's buy you something that will make groveling a little easier," she joked.

I paused at the bottom step of Paul's cabin and fingered the hem of the black dress I was wearing absently. I knew he was home-the lights were on and he never left them on while he was out. I could feel my heart pounding in my throat and I forced myself to climb the three stairs and then knocked heavily on the door.

"Hang on," Paul's voice called. I could hear some shuffling, a muffled curse and then the door flew open. Paul was standing with just a towel slung across his hips and a look of surprise on his face.

"Can I come in?" I asked. His eyes didn't leave mine as he nodded and stepped slightly inside for me to pass. I couldn't help but inhale his unique fragrance as I passed by. The smell of trees lingered under the slightly musky smell of his soap.

"What brings you here?" He asked leaning into the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. I closed the door carefully behind me and tried to calm my shaking hands. His hazel eyes were remote and slightly forbidding as they bored into mine. I took a calming breath and pulled my eyes from his. Several empty beer bottles were scattered across the table and I moved towards them instinctively, intending to pick them up and toss them but Paul beat me there. My eyes fluttered to his as his hands moved mine aside.

"You said I should talk to someone," I reminded him. The glass bottles made a loud clinking noise as he threw them away.

"I meant like a shrink," he said. "But that would require you to actually admit you need help which you will never do so…" he let his voice trail off and anger choked me.

"Just never mind," I said turning. Paul caught my hand on the door knob.

"I'm sorry," he said. I let my hand fall from the door knob. His closeness was unnerving so I moved into the living room. His eyes followed me.

"I realized something today while I was eating with Leah," I started. "When he left he really did break me. I thought it was forever and then it was just gone. Charlie is the reason I survived that. He never gave up on me even when people told him to. And as soon as I nearly crawled out of that abyss he was gone forever," I chanced a look up. Paul was leaning against a wall again but his arms fell loosely to his sides. I ached to wrap myself in those arms but I forced myself to continue. "And then you came along," I couldn't stop the slow smile spreading across my face. "You and your gentle hands, blazing temper and fiery touch. I let myself become lost in your kisses and in your touch. And then you told me that I was your imprint and I panicked. I was already so drawn to you, so taken in but I knew I was broken," I said. I had to pause to swallow the lump in my throat. Paul started to move closer but I held my hand up.

"Bella," he said softly. I looked anywhere but his eyes as he moved forward. My hand touched his chest and I flattened my palm. I continued relentlessly.

"I told you that I can't be in love again but I already am," I started. It was all Paul heard. His hands slid into my hair and his lips touched mine. The unbearable ache left my heart the moment his lips slid along mine. And then I was caught up by the slight smell of pine on his skin, the taste of beer on his tongue and the feel of his skin scorching mine. I pulled away but our lips clung together slightly before I put some distance between us.

"Bella," Paul said again moving toward me.

"Let me finish," I said trying to catch my breath. "I'm still scared Paul. I really am. This love…it's larger than life. I can't lose myself in something like this again." I bite my lip and taste Paul there. When he spoke his voice was calm but intense.

"Love isn't a weakness Bella. At times it may make you feel weak but it's not a weakness," he said. I closed my eyes and let his voice wash over me. "I don't want you to have a love that consumes you, I really don't. I want a love for us that enflames us both, challenges us both, feeds us both," he said.

"I want all that too but…" my voice trailed off as he placed a thumb to my lips. His eyes were serious and I could almost feel the heat in his words.

"I'm not asking you for forever," he said softly. My heart contracted but he continued. "I am asking you for one lifetime together. I am asking you to let me have faith enough for the both of us. I am asking that you marry me someday and that we build a life together. I don't have much," he said sounding suddenly slightly ashamed as he looked quickly around his sparse cabin. "But everything I have is yours. Just don't push me away again." I opened my mouth to speak again but Paul had had enough talking. His lips replaced his thumb and his kiss this time was possessive. I let out a sigh as his lips left mine again. "If you are really ready to try this Bells; I mean really ready, you can stay. If you are just here for the sex the door is behind you."


	9. Watch You Glow

**Control**

_Chapter Nine: Watch You Glow_

Paul held his hand out to me and waited. His eyes were hopeful but still slightly guarded. I had put that look there. I had pushed him away enough that he thought I might try again. And maybe I would later but right now there was no room in my heart for doubt. I let my hand slide into his. Our palms aligned and his fingers curled into mine. And we were moving, almost gliding, into the bedroom. I let the door fall shut behind us-sealing us off from the rest of the house but also the rest of the world.

"Show me," he said softly and his hazel eyes had lost their guarded look. I swallowed hard. Paul had always taken the initiative so to speak sexually. His hands cupped my face and I bit my lip. "Fear and uncertainty has no place in this room kitten," he said softly. He let his hands fall from my face and took a step back. My hands fell to where the towel was firmly knotted at his waist and after a minute the towel fell to the floor. His breathing hitched slightly as my hands fluttered over his hip bones but he didn't push my hands away.

"Paul," I said and my voice shook slightly. His hands came up and he pulled the halter top off with competent hands. His hands grasped my wrists and pressed my palms into his skin.

"Touch me Bella," he said softly in a slightly gravelly voice. His hands fell away from my wrists. His skin was soft but pulled tightly over hard muscles. I watched his eyes as my hands slightly explored his skin. They darkened slightly but he didn't move. The only sign that I affected him was his tightly clenched fists and stomach muscles. His cock was still at rest and I wondered idly how he measured up so to speak against the national average. Emboldened by his acquiescence I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his shoulder. He stiffened but didn't move away. I let my lips drift over his chest as my hands explored his stomach and then his hips. I let one hand drop to his cock. This time it was hard and pulsing. I smiled into his skin and lifted my eyes to his.

His hazel eyes were darker than I had ever seen them. Something about his expression ignited my own desire. I palmed his erection with one hand and tugged my dress down with the other. It pooled to the ground and I kicked it away. His eyes expressed surprise when I pushed him to sit on the bed and then knelt between his slightly spread legs. A sense of power came over me at his uncertain expression and uneven breathing.

"Bella," he said sounding pained sliding one hand into my hair and trying to pull me to my feet. "You don't have to…" his voice trailed off into a moan as I pressed my lips to the tip of his cock. Suddenly I was on my back with a very determined Paul above me. "Enough of that," he said. His lips caught my protest as his cock slid home. And then it was just us, moving in the clouds. It was his muscles bunched under my hands. It was the sound of his almost endless moans mixed with my whimpers. It was the feeling of his skin moving slickly against mine. Neither one of us wanted it to end. My body ached with exhaustion but I continued to meet him thrust for thrust. We were both covered in a fine sheen of sweat.

We hovered on the edge of release; both of us holding back. My body quivered with the strain. He rolled us onto our sides; entangling our limbs. Our movements were languid and lazy now. My leg was thrown over his hip and his hand pressed into my lower back. Our lips met endlessly; tongues tasting and lips crushing. His movements became slightly more urgent and I was beyond caring. I barely heard his urgent order in my ear, "Now!" before I came apart in his arms. We shuddered against one another; hips still moving in a slow pattern until we had both rode out our releases.

"Holy shit," he whispered tracing my hip with his fingers. I looked down to where his eyes were resting and saw the five finger-shaped bruises there.

"I didn't even feel that," I said moving away from Paul lazily. We both winced as his now soft cock fell out of me. My thighs were sticky and I couldn't even bring myself to care; not even a little. He rubbed the bruises with the pad of his thumb.

"Are you sure it didn't hurt?" He asked and I could tell he was slightly tense. While sex with Paul had always seemed to be urgent and intense he had never left any real marks other than the one on my neck.

"I didn't even know it was there," I assured him before pressing a kiss to his lips.

"We should take a shower. We're both covered in sweat," Paul said without moving.

"Among other things," I said wryly thinking of the various fluids between my legs. Paul sat up.

"Okay I'm getting up," he said with a mock grumble. I stood only when I heard the water in the bathroom running. Paul had already stepped under the spray. I stopped for a moment to just watch him. He gave me a questioning look but I just shook my head and stepped in. We took turns washing each other's hair and bodies before the water turned cold and I jumped out; squealing like a little girl as Paul laughed. While I towel off he changes the sheets. Being a werewolf seems to have its perks as far as drying off instantly after a shower due to body heat. Soon I was curled up next to him; my face on his chest while my fingers swirled through the hair on his belly. When he spoke I could hear his voice rumble underneath my ear.

"So what changed your mind about this?" He asked. I could tell it had been on his mind since I walked in.

"Leah and I talked. She explained some stuff to me that I didn't get before," I said.

"Like?" He asked his fingers lightly tracing my arm.

"That comparing you to him wasn't fair," I offered.

"Makes sense," he said. I turned my face into his chest and placed a kiss on his scorching chest.

"Are you glad I came?" I asked. His fingers went still on my skin.

"I'm fucking overjoyed you came," he said. His voice was thick with emotion and I looked up to see tears falling from his eyes. I reached up and wiped them away. "I thought you were actually going to leave for good. I wasn't sure what would happen to me if you did."

"I wasn't thinking about you before, in all of this," I admitted. "I was only thinking of when he left. Then today I realized that if you decided to leave," I swallowed hard willing my tears away. "I realized that if you decided to leave there would be nothing left of me," I finished. He curled his arm around me tighter and pressed his lips to the top of my head.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said into my hair. And for the first time; I believed him.

"What the hell Jared!" Paul exploded and I jerked awake. Sometime after our conversation I had drifted off to sleep. I lifted my head to see Jared standing in the doorway; surprise etched on his face. His mouth opened and closed a few times. Suddenly he clapped his hand over his eyes and then promptly walked into the doorframe. I rubbed my eyes and then realized why Jared had been so embarrassed. I was sprawled across Paul's chest, fully naked, and we didn't have a comforter over us. Jesus Christ did these wolves have no concept of privacy?

"I should go see what he wants," Paul grumbled. I lifted my head and plopped it down on the pillow. I heard Paul moving around but I didn't look up. The bed was so cozy and I was so warm. Paul was back about five minutes later.

"What did he want?" I asked sleepily reaching for him. He crawled back into bed and let me curl up into his side.

"To tell me Sam wants me to run his patrol this afternoon. Emily has some kind of appointment," Paul said stifling a yawn.

"I forgot about that," I said. "I was supposed to go out with Leah today too," I admitted. He ran his hand through my hair.

"You can go when I leave for patrol," he said after a beat. "Right now I just want to hold you." I snuggle into his arms and we lay there; content.


	10. Coffee, Tea And Bittersweet Chocolate

**Control**

_Chapter Ten: Coffee, Tea and Bittersweet Chocolate_

"So I take it by the way you are glowing that Paul liked the dress?" Leah asked the next day. We were browsing in the book store in Port Angeles. She was looking for some Quileute baby name book that Old Quil had told her about.

"Can we talk about this in a less public place?" I asked pulling the book out and shoving it into her hands.

"Holy crap Bella you are like psychic," she said. "I must have looked at that same shelf about six times."

"I've had training," I said drily as we head up to the register to pay. She forks over some money and we leave the store. "So tell me about last night," she said once we were seated comfortably outside of a coffee shop. I tried to feel embarrassed but couldn't find it in me.

"I told him that I loved him but how scared I was," I said. I heard my name being called and went to retrieve my chai tea and Leah's mocha.

"What did he say?" She asked blowing on the hot beverage.

"That he knew I was scared but he wasn't asking for an eternity; just one lifetime," I said not surprised when a blush stained my cheeks. Leah laughed.

"Who would have thought that tough Paul had it in him?" She commented casually.

"I told him I didn't want to get lost in a love so strong that I get swept away and he understood. He told me that if I was just there for the sex then I could leave," I said. She lifted her eyebrow at me.

"I take it you didn't leave," she said. I shook my head; glad when my hair fell to slightly cover my eyes. While I found myself wanting to confide in Leah a smaller part of me wanted to keep things quiet. While I knew, logically, that she would see it firsthand once she phased with Paul…admitting it all out loud was quite another thing.

"It was amazing," was all I could think to say.

"More so than before?" She asked.

"Yes," I said without hesitation. "It was perfect." She studied me for a few seconds.

"Are you planning on explaining?" She asked finally.

"It's…hard to explain," I said. "But it lasted for hours. We were both so tired but we just couldn't stop. It was…incredible," I said not wanting to go into too many details.

"Geez I am jealous," she said with a smile. "Hours…wow."

"Yeah," I said sipping my tea. Her hand covers mine and I look up. Her eyes are earnest.

"I am happy if you are happy. You know that, right?" She asked. I nod. "Good. So we need to get you a new swimsuit." The rest of the afternoon passed in a haze of shopping. Finally we arrived back at Sam and Emily's to give Emily the book that Leah bought. She loved it, of course, and they hugged. I was glad that they were both healing. Strong arms embraced me from behind and I leaned back into Paul's bare chest.

"I like these jeans on you," he whispered in my ear. My brain was having trouble processing thought when he was this close. His fingers swiped next to the waist band. "But I think I like them better off," he said. He pulled away, swatted my ass and then sauntered casually to the table while I swayed slightly on the spot.

"Wow do I look like that all the time?" Emily asked Leah. They were both studying me as I struggled to think clearly.

"Not quite," Leah said. "Not even in the beginning." Sam entered the house, wiping his feet thoughtfully and walked straight to Emily. She glowed as he pressed his lips to her scar reverently.

"It's their personalities," he said in a matter of fact tone. "Paul is much more volatile than I am." Sam ducked as a knife, slung by Paul, missed his head by centimeters.

"You just proved his point," Jared said around a mouthful of lasagna.

"Fuck you," Paul snarled. Jared doesn't look the slightest bit perturbed. Everyone is used to Paul's moods I guess. I took a muffin that Emily offered and watched the boys shovel in an obscene amount of food. Paul finished first, probably because he was the only one not talking. I brought him a beer and he tugged me into his lap. He pressed his lips to the skin just under my ear; shadowing the area he had once bitten. I felt slightly dazed and then uncomfortable when I realized how intently everyone was watching us.

"What?" I asked defensively trying to move from Paul's lap. His hands firmly held me against him.

"Nothing," Sam said in a tone that made me not believe him somehow.

"Seriously stop staring," Paul said. "Or if you are going to stare explain why you are looking at us like we have grown two heads."

"It's nothing," Sam says and everyone finally stops staring.

"Freaks," Paul utters but no one responds. Soon after Paul and I leave. He actually tosses me over his shoulder, caveman style and leaves without a word to anyone. I wave as best I can and laugh at the look of shock on Kim's face. Paul easily unlocks the cabin door, without putting me down and then kicks it closed behind him. I giggle when he dumps me onto the couch. "Too many fucking clothes," he growled almost ripping my jeans in his haste to get them off. I sit up on the couch to help him. His chest is rising and falling hard; his eyes dark. And suddenly I understand more. This isn't Paul; this is Paul's wolf.

"Let me help," I said gently pushing his hands aside when they almost tear the hooks from my bra. He growls and shoves my hands aside; ripping it from my body. I wasn't sure what had caused this turn in his mind and I wasn't sure how to soothe him. He had never been quite this aggressive with me. I focused on the front of his cutoffs and then slid them over his slim hips when they were unbuttoned. I circled the tip with my index finger and wondered idly how wolf-Paul would react if I…took some initiative this time. Before he can react I push him back onto the sofa and kneel between his legs. He doesn't try to stop me as I lean forward and brush my tongue over the weeping head of his cock. The flavor is interesting; a combination of salty/sweet that kind of reminded me of a dark chocolate covered pretzel. Bitter, salty and sweet all at the same time. I paused; not really sure how to proceed. Paul's hands smoothed my hair back from my face and secured it all with a hair band he must have found in my jeans pocket. When he spoke his voice was husky with need.

"You can do anything you feel like," he said guiding my hand to the base. "If I don't like it you'll know." I didn't want to be bad at this. He was so good at just about everything. He took pity on me. "You can start by licking. Pay attention to the head; it's the most sensitive part," he said. He none too gently pressed the head of his cock to my lips. This was the wolf; impatient for his pleasure. I licked the head again; gathering the drops of moisture pearled there with my tongue. I became heady with power as I dragged my tongue over his cock. His groans told me I must have been doing something right. Daringly I pulled about half of his cock into my mouth; rolling my tongue over the head. I got caught up in the rhythm of it; loving the way his body tensed under my mouth and hands. His hands reached for my head; trying to pull me away.

"Shit Bella…move…I'm going…holy fucking hell," he swore when I took him all the way to the back of my throat; something I hadn't dared to do yet. I refused to relinquish my hold and his hips moved restlessly into my face. I gave up my grip on his cock and grasped his hips in my hands propelling myself forward until I had his entire cock buried in my mouth. His body was shaking and growls poured from his throat. I let him choose the speed and motion; surrendering all control to him. I wasn't shocked when he took fierce control. One of his hands locked on my scalp as his hips pumped against my face quickly. I was surprised that I didn't choke from the feeling of his cock touching my throat with each motion. Obscenties rolled from his mouth like prayers and he released into my mouth. I took control back, suckling slowly as he spasmed into my mouth; hand loosening in my hair. This fluid was sweeter somehow and lacked the bitterness of his earlier emissions. When his shaking stop I released him from my mouth. Unsure of what to do with the liquid filling my mouth I swallowed it all.

"Holy hell woman," he said as I laid my face on his thigh. My knees were aching but not as much as my core was. His wolf seemed to have abated and he stroked my head with gentle fingers. After a beat he lifted me from the floor to straddle his leg. My clit rubbed against his skin and my eyes practically rolled into the back of my head.

"Mmmm," was all I could manage when his lips covered my nipple. I hardly realized he had moved until it was him seated between my thighs. He slid his hands under my ass until he was holding me off the couch. His nose brushed my clit and I whimpered.

"So wet," he said almost reverently. His eyes closed and he inhaled deeply. I knew I should be embarrassed but the look of bliss on his face took any of that away. His tongue was gentle in my folds; his tongue sweeping through the moisture that had gathered there while I sucked his cock. "Is all of this from me?" He asked pausing to look up at me. I must have looked confused because he clarified. "Did sucking my cock make your sweet pussy this wet?" My cheeks flamed but I nodded.

"Yes," I whispered. His tongue flicked over me a few times before he spoke again.

"You shouldn't be embarrassed," he said pressing an open mouthed kiss on my clit that made me jerk. "There is nothing sexier than a woman who enjoys pleasing her man," he said. My first orgasm was gentle and he coaxed me through it with a velvet soft tongue. While I recovered he lapped gently at my entrance and I realized he was savoring the taste of me. Then, without warning, his tongue was ravenous on my flesh. He was licking and even biting at my clit. I didn't bother trying to hold him back; knowing it wouldn't work anyway. I felt my body shudder, shake, roll and bow under his skillful tongue. His tongue was insatiable; still working earnestly after my fourth orgasm.

"Paul," I said weakly as his tongue stroked my still aching, still throbbing clit. He paused only for a few seconds.

"Just one more kitten," he groaned. "God your pussy tastes so fucking good." He was much gentler now; laving and stroking in langorous motions that had my head spinning. I hovered over the edge even as his lips sucked my engorged clit into his mouth; sucking hard on the little nub. The orgasm rendered me incapable of speech, thoughts or anything else. I felt his lips release me and barely noticed when he slid inside of me. It only took a few thrusts before I felt him spilling inside of me; lips pressed to my neck, hands gripping the backs of my thighs. And then everything faded to black.


	11. The Other Shoe

**Control**

_Chapter Eleven: The Other Shoe_

"Damn Bella you look exhausted," Emily greeted me when I stepped into her kitchen the next morning. I noticed it was suspiciously absent of wolves. Leah and Kim sat at the table eating some eggs.

"Do you have coffee?" I asked. I could barely keep my eyes open.

"It's where it always is," Emily remarked. I fixed her with a hard glare.

"Give it," I demanded. She poured me a cup and passed it over.

"Paul must have been in a mood last night," Kim remarked blithely flipping through a fashion magazine.

"What makes you say that?" I asked after a few sips of the caffeine filled bitter liquid.

"You look like I did after the first time Jared let his wolf take over," she said casually. I blushed.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked. Emily nodded.

"It's been awhile since Sam went all wolf on me but I felt about as good as you look afterwards," she said. She handed me a plate filled with eggs and bacon and forced me to sit. I winced involuntarily as I sat and they exchanged smirks.

"Looks like he went easy on you," Leah said sarcastically. I bristled.

"I gave as good as I got," I retorted. They smiled. "What?" I snapped.

"I'm surprised he let you," Kim remarked. "Jared is all control all the time when he is in wolf-mode." I thought of Paul's cock between my lips, my hands gripping his hips and him begging me to stop. I couldn't help the flush that crept up my cheeks.

"I didn't give him a lot of choice in the matter," I said and then took a bite of eggs. They stared at me like I had grown two heads. It was Emily who explained.

"Honey don't get mad but he could have stopped you without even trying if he wanted to," she said. "I am surprised he let you have any control at all. Sam always growls at me if I even touch him without permission when he is all…dominant." Suddenly I felt weird; like I was some sort of freak. And I was desperate to confide in them. So I did.

"Well he was pretty intent on getting me out of my clothes but once he did I pushed him back onto the couch. He seemed pretty pissed until I…well knelt in front of him," I said. Emily relaxed slightly.

"It's because you were in a submissive position," she explained. "You were at his feet and still somewhat under his control. Well at least his wolf probably thought that." I relaxed into my chair.

"I guess Jared is different," Kim said still flipping through the magazine. "He usually bends me over the table and just lets me have it." It was my turn to stare.

"You mean without like foreplay?" I asked. She smiled.

"I don't really need much. I am kind of a horn dog," she said and we all snorted at her joke. I still wanted to clarify.

"But he doesn't like…god this is so embarrassing," I muttered dropping my fork and leaning back.

"He doesn't what?" Emily asked. I closed my eyes and prayed for the blushing to end.

"Lick you…down there," I finally was able to mumble.

"On a rare occasion," Kim said not sounding embarrassed at all. "It's usually pretty urgent. Emily?" She asked. Emily looked thoughtful.

"It's every once in awhile. I mean I love it when he does it but it doesn't happen as often as I would like," she said. My blush grew darker and I waited for the floor to swallow me. Luckily all of the wolves descended just then.

"What were you ladies discussing?" Jared asked dropping a kiss to Kim's shoulder. Oh god, kill me right the fuck now.

"How often you blockheads deign to pleasure us with your tongue," she remarked. I was both embarrassed and amused as all the guys in the room dropped their jaws. Well except for Paul who knew damn good and well he used his tongue well and often. He let out a bark of laughter.

"Seriously numbnuts?" He teased. I blushed when he brushed my hair off the back of my neck; pressing a kiss there before sitting beside me. "It's my favorite part. How can you fucking stay away?"

"I never knew if she really liked it," Jared said. Kim whacked him with her magazine.

"Do you like getting head?" She demanded.

"Duh," he said rolling his eyes and grabbing a muffin.

"So do I," she said and went back to her magazine. Paul still looked stunned at the revelation that the others weren't as attentive to their mate's pussy as he was to mine.

"Seriously?" He said a few times. "It's like the sweetest fucking thing I have ever tasted." I stood up suddenly.

"Okay when you are done bragging I will be in the spare room reading," I said. I selected a random book from the shelf and flipped it open. A few minutes later Emily popped into the room.

"I don't think he meant anything bad by that Bella," Emily said. She sat next to me.

"I am just not used to someone discussing my vagina as if I weren't sitting right there," I said setting the book aside.

"They are a bit rough around the edges but I am telling you that you probably just added a new item to all of our menus tonight," she said with a wicked grin. I couldn't help but smile back. Paul was then framed in the doorway.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked. Emily nodded and left the room. Paul closed the door behind her.

"Paul," I said but the look in his eyes made me stop dead. He looked pretty pissed off.

"Why are you so fucking worried about stupid shit all of the time?" He asked. "Who cares who knows what we do? I don't care if the whole fucking world knows how much I love eating that fucking pink pussy of yours." He moved forward suddenly and pushed me backward on the bed. This was Paul at his most dominant. He refrained from ripping my sweats off but tossed them aside quickly. He held me down with one hand while I struggled not wanting anyone to hear. My panties were torn away with one smooth motion.

"Paul everyone can hear," I protest as he runs his thumb across my folds.

"That, my dear, is the point," he says. I gasp when his tongue touches my clit but then stuff the back of my hand into my mouth. I feel his hand pry mine away from my mouth. "No, no, no, no, no kitten. We are not going anywhere until you scream for me." His words make me bite my lip and shake my head.

"There are people in the other room," I pant as his tongue moves against me again. I shudder and whimper slightly when his teeth graze my clit gently.

"There is no room for shame here," he says indicating the space between us. He licks me again; just once. "What we do here is beautiful and natural." He punctuates the words beautiful and natural with a swirling lick around my clit. He laps at my flesh a few more times while I try to hold back my whimpers.

"Paul please…don't…" I whisper; feeling my traitorous body react to his gentle coaxing. He increases the pressure of his mouth and then sucks my clit between his teeth. There is a blinding light behind my eyes and I can vaguely hear myself shout something; honestly I couldn't tell you what at that point in time. Paul's tongue is gentle as he laps up my juices before resting his head on my thigh.

"Good girl," he says. Suddenly he is on his feet handing me clothes. I put them on in confusion. I can still see the hard outline of his cock through his cutoffs. When I reach for him he pushes my hand away. "That wasn't about me kitten," he said helping me back into my shirt. I can barely process his words. When we return to the kitchen everyone is quiet but Kim tips me a big wink. Sam clears his throat.

"We have somewhat of a new problem," he informed me. "That was what we were meeting about this morning. The Cullens have contacted us about a problem that could be bigger than the redhead." For once my head doesn't swim thinking about Victoria. It is still too clouded with the pleasure from just moments before.

"And what do they want us for?" I asked.

"It's a lot to explain and to be honest I don't understand it fully myself. They want to meet with us in person to explain better. Carlisle Cullen requested that you be there," Sam said. The glass of orange juice I was holding slipped from between my fingers and shattered at my feet. There was a scatter of movement but I barely processed it. Then I did what I do best: I ran.


	12. Moving Backwards

**Control**

_Chapter Twelve: Moving Backwards_

I found myself sitting on the beach ten minutes later. I had run until I tripped and stumbled to where I now sat. I didn't look up when Paul sat down next to me. His usual anger was absent from his face. He seemed to be bracing himself for whatever I would throw at him next. I hated that I put him so on guard. No matter what I did the past kept catching up to me. When he spoke his voice was low and soothing.

"You came to me, Bella. You came to me the other night and told me that you would trust me enough to believe for the both of us. Now you have to trust me to have strength enough for the both of us to get through this," he said. His hand hesitantly took mine.

"Paul," I said softly but he pressed a finger to my lips.

"I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to listen. Can you do that?" He asked. I nodded and he took a deep breath. "After we made love the other night I decided that I could never be apart from you. You are inside of me and I am inside of you. No one, not even the Cullens, can take that away from us. I won't let them," he said sounding slightly angry again.

"But," I began but he covered my mouth with his whole hand this time.

"I want you to look me in the eye Bella and tell me something. Tell me that after the night you told me you loved me that you didn't feel whole again. Tell me I am imagining the fulfillment we both felt that night. Tell me that after having me in your hands, in your mouth and in your body that you still want him. Because if you do I will walk away right now," he said. He released my mouth.

"I only want you," I said. He waited. He was so much better with words that I was. I tried my best. "That night was one of the best of my life. You're the only person I want touching me, kissing me and making love to me," I said. He crushed me to his chest; cradling me in his lap. I felt his face buried in my hair and he was shaking slightly; like he was…crying. I had pushed him so much and so often that he had been afraid I would do so again.

"Bella…I," he says but his voice is so thick with tears that he can't continue. My next comment lightens the mood immensely.

"Hey I can't let you go. You eat pussy too well for that," I said. I am rewarded with a watery chuckle.

"I have to tell you something," he said. I tense automatically but he pulls back to look me in the eye.

"I have never done that to anyone before you," he said. My look of doubt made him laugh. "It just never really felt right. But with you…" his voice trails off. I move his hair back from his forehead and press my lips to his brow.

"I'm glad," I said.

I clench Paul's hand tightly as we all make our way the few short remaining yards to the treaty line. My tension seems to actually soothe his agitation and he squeezes my hand in a reassuring way. One by one the Cullens appear. Carlisle followed by Esme then Alice and Jasper then Emmett and Rose and oh god there he is. I bite my lip hard and look at the ground.

"Thank you for meeting us here," Carlisle said.

"You made a compelling argument," Sam said. His arms were crossed over his bare chest.

"Don't they own any shirts?" I heard Edward mumble. I tried not to laugh when Emmett smacked him across the back of the head. I have to smile at the jealousy in his eyes as he regards me with wary eyes clinging to Paul's side. Paul wraps his arm around me tightly and presses his lips to my temple. Edward's eyes go dark but he doesn't say a word.

"Well as I was saying on the phone. We have a real situation. At this moment there have been reports of people going missing in Seattle. Normally this wouldn't be a concern except for the fact that the number is now in the hundreds. We believe that someone, possibly Victoria, is creating an army to take us all out," Carlisle explained. I looked up at Paul who looked like he had already heard this information.

"So you want us to join forces," Sam said. Carlisle nodded.

"It would be a temporary arrangement. Once the threat was eliminated we would go our separate ways," Carlisle said.

"And this lifts the original treaty temporarily?" Paul asked from beside me. Edward scoffed.

"He thinks we'll try to kidnap Bella," Edward said. His face was twisted in a very unattractive way.

"Get out of my head freak," Paul retorted. I squeezed his hand once and he calmed down.

"I think maybe Paul and Bella should leave now," Sam said taking quick assessment of the situation.

"No," I said immediately. "I need to be here. I need to hear this." Paul and Edward were having a stare down. Seeing them so close together illuminated their differences. Paul was taller by a few inches and more muscular. The contrast between their skin was almost shocking to the eye. Edward's face was too perfect; too symmetrical-like a statue. Paul was ruggedly handsome in a way none of the Cullens could even touch.

"Can you attempt to control your thoughts?" Edward said suddenly. Paul was smirking. I smacked his chest and instantly regretted it when pain shot through my hand. Paul pressed his lips to my temple again.

"Sorry kitten you were just looking at me so intently," he said. "I'll try harder." Sam cleared his throat.

"So what's the plan?" He asked Carlisle. Jasper stepped forward. He smiled at me before speaking.

"We lure them to an isolated spot. They think we are outnumbered and that is where you guys come in. Even with their numbers they will fall," Jasper said. "Newborns are less experienced fighters which gives us an advantage. They don't even know you all exist."

"How do we lure them?" Jake asked. His brow was slightly furrowed. Jasper nodded to me. Paul went rigid at my side and started shaking.

"Over my dead body," he shouted. He half yanked my arm until I was shielded behind him. "That is the farthest thing from any kind of option." I pulled my arm from his grasp gently.

"That's not your decision," I said. He turned to face me. I haven't seen him this angry-ever.

"No," he said. When his spoke his voice was deadly calm. I moved until we were toe to toe and leaned back to look him in the eye.

"It's the only thing that will work," I said equally calmly. I could hear murmuring around us but I didn't back down. He cupped my face gently with one hand.

"I…need you as far away from this as possible," he said. I shrugged his hand off and it fell limply to his side.

"And I need to know that I did everything I could to keep everyone safe," I countered. His face darkened.

"You're so fucking stubborn," he snapped. His tone stung me and I snapped back.

"And what the fuck does that make you?" I countered. I heard Emmett snicker.

"Bella said fuck," he said to whoever was listening. I ignored him.

"He's going to lose it," Jake murmured. Paul was shaking head to foot but I wasn't about to back down.

"Calm the fuck down right now," I snapped. He raised his eyes and I saw the wolf in them. I wasn't going to make it out of this walking straight that was for sure.

"Fine," he snapped. "You fucking win. Risk your fucking life like fucking always. Fucking leave me. It's what you're fucking good at," he lashed out. Before I could respond he disappeared into the woods leaving everyone shell shocked.


	13. Strong Enough

**Control**

_Chapter Thirteen: Strong Enough_

"You need to go after him right now," Sam said to me. I was still shaking with anger over what he had said to me. The thing that pissed me off the most is that for the most part he was right. I did leave him. I had done it time and again in the past weeks. Without a word I followed the trail Paul had left. I found him, surprisingly not phased; and sitting with his head in his hands at the base of a tree. He didn't looked up as I approached.

"I don't want to fight," I said falling to the ground in front of him. He didn't raise his head or even move.

"And I don't want you involved in this but it doesn't seem like I get a choice," he said. His voice was clogged with tears. I didn't know how to deal with Paul when he was like this.

"Can't you see my side of this at all?" I asked earnestly. "Do you understand where I am coming from at all?"

"You're trying to get yourself killed," he said. When he finally looked up his hazel eyes were strangely light colored and filled with tears.

"Let's try this," I proposed. "If it were you she was after, what would you do? Would you stand on the sidelines and let an inferior plan play out and hope no one gets killed or would you do everything in your power to keep all of the people you love safe?" I asked.

"It's not the same," he said.

"Why?" I demanded. He ran both hands through his hair.

"Because I am supposed to keep you safe," he growled. "Not throw you out in a field full of hungry bloodsuckers with your fucking scent on their brain."

"You could at least hear the full plan," I offered. "Then we will decide what to do together." He grabbed at my hands.

"I'll go back but I need to tell you right now that I won't agree to anything that puts you in danger. I'd rather have you alive and hating me than dead," he said.

"No she can't be alone at any time," Paul snapped for the hundredth time. "I think Seth and Leah need to stay with her."

"We need them in the field, Paul," Jasper said patiently. "Esme is perfectly capable of keeping Bella safe."

"How far away can we get her before they get here?" He practically growled. Jasper pointed out a route along the map.

"Esme will take her and run just before the newborns get here. We have a cave waiting. You all will cover it in wolf scent to mask Bella. No one should be able to find her," Jasper explained. His patience with Paul was astounding. Paul had been snapping and growling for hours.

"And how do we spread her scent?" Paul asked for the six thousandth time. I refrained from rolling my eyes.

"Bella will nick her finger or some other minor part. She will spread blood from tree to tree. They will be so frantic at the smell they will barely notice anything else," Jasper said.

"Paul we have been doing this for hours," I said. "We all need to get some rest." He didn't move.

"What happens after?" He asked. Jasper looked confused for the first time.

"After she is dead and after all of this is over. What happens then?" He clarified. Jasper still looked confused. "Are you going to disappear on her again?" Everyone was shocked into silence. It was Carlisle who spoke up.

"We will do whatever Bella wants," he said in his calming voice. "If she wants to stay in contact we will. If she wants us gone we will leave."

"She is standing right here," I snapped. They didn't seem to be listening. "I'll be at your house." Before anyone could say anything I stalked off. Honestly I was sick and tired of all of the arguing. To be fair Paul was the only one arguing. The Cullens and the rest of the pack-minus Edward-had actually been getting along famously. He had mumbled something about hunting when Paul and I had reappeared before taking off to destinations unknown. I could hear someone moving behind me in the clearly and immediately tensed. Seth appeared and waved slightly. I knew he had been sent to "watch" me. I left the door open and disappeared into the bedroom. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't Paul understand that I wanted to keep him and the whole pack safe as much as he wanted to do the same for me?

"You can't just walk away every fucking time I piss you off," Paul said from the doorway a few minutes later. I didn't even look up.

"I'm tired Paul can I please just get some sleep?" I asked. There was a pause and then I felt him drop to the bed next to me. I shifted so that my back was too him; effectively telling him that I was not in the mood for whatever alpha male crap he was going to try to pull on me. But he didn't move at all. He just sighed. I felt my back touch his as he rolled onto his side too. Once his snores began I dropped off into an uneasy sleep.

We didn't speak the next morning. Apparently the old adage about going to bed angry was true because we barely even looked at each other. By the time I had gotten up he had already made himself a large bowl of cereal and was studiously watching the news on TV. I ignored him and made myself some eggs. By the time I was finished eating he had already washed his dish and Seth was sitting where he had been.

"Am I under house arrest?" I joked. Seth cracked a smile.

"No he just didn't want to leave you alone wherever you are. Leah asked if you wanted to hang out," he said. I handed him a glass of orange juice and drank a large glass of milk in silence.

"I think I would rather see Emily this morning," I said. "Just let me get dressed and we'll head over."

"Sure, sure," he answered turning his attention to the TV. A few minutes later we were walking the short distance to Emily's. Seth showed me a shortcut through some trees and we shaved five minutes off my usual time. I didn't realize until I got there that everyone was gathered there; including all of the Cullens.

Paul looked up when I came in but didn't say anything. Emily handed me a cup of coffee and we sat at the counter. I saw the table was again strewn with maps and diagrams. Jasper was explaining where the wolves would be concealed come time for "the last stand". Every time Jasper said this everyone at the table laughed so I assumed it was some kind of a joke.

"How are you?" Emily asked me quietly. I lifted one shoulder and dropped it.

"Paul and I aren't really speaking and I am about to be a human sacrifice so it must be Monday," I joked half-heartedly.

"You've got him pretty pissed off," Emily said quietly making sure everyone at the table wasn't listening.

"Yeah well I'm not too pleased with him either," I said shortly. Emily put one of her hands over mine.

"You have to give him a break, Bella. Every fiber of his being right now is telling him to take you and run. He knows he should stay and fight and he knows that this plan is the best for everyone but that doesn't stop him from needing to protect you," she explained. I opened my mouth to speak but she continued. "It doesn't always make sense to you and it probably never will. The instinct is there and it is strong. The sooner you accept that about him the easier it will be on both of you," she said. Paul's eyes met mine over Alice's head. I looked away quickly and sipped my coffee; pondering Emily's words and wondering if I was truly strong enough to handle it.


	14. The Space Between

**Control **

_Chapter Fourteen: The Space Between_

"Maybe I should sleep here tonight," I said to Emily nervously after dinner that evening. Paul had been in the same mood all day. The Cullens had all left to hunt hours before but Paul sat at the table staring at nothing.

"He's angry but you guys need to talk," Emily said. "I hate to do this but no you can't stay here. You need to deal with all of this." I want to be angry with her but I knew without a doubt that I would do the same thing were I in her shoes.

"Why do I have to be the first one," I grumbled hopping down from the stool. I approached Paul and held my hand out. He barely looked up. "Are we going home or are you sleeping at Emily's table tonight?" I asked him snarkily. He ignored my hand and stood. I didn't realize how angry he was until he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder again. Paul was mad and suddenly I was slightly terrified to be alone with him. He brought one hand down hard on my ass when I struggled.

When we got to the cabin he kicked the door open and then closed behind us. He didn't let me down then though. He checked all of the windows and doors before dropping me unceremoniously onto the carpet. It stung my knees as I landed. When he spoke his voice was soft but there was no mistaking the underlying anger in it.

"You can take your clothes off or I can rip them. It's your choice," he said. He crossed his arms and waited. I recognized the wolf in his eyes and thought it best not to test my luck. I dropped my clothes and he set them off to the side. I just waited. I knew if I reached out to him or even tried to speak it could be bad. It surprised me when he tenderly brushed the hair from my shoulder. Obviously my easy acquiescence had tamed at least part of the wolf.

"Paul," I said softly. He hummed slightly against the sensitive skin of my neck in answer. "I'm sorry," I said. He pressed his lips gently to mine and then bent so that our faces were even.

"I'm sorry too," he offered. "Maybe not for everything." I nodded my head and he gathered me into his arms. I can feel his tears on my neck and I squeeze him tighter.

"Don't cry," I said softly. He nodded into my neck and pulled me closer. I realized then that I was naked and he was still fully clothed. I toyed with the hair at the back of his neck. "You know it has been a couple of days," I said carefully. At once he started to nibble on the sensitive flesh of my neck. I knew then that even channeling his wolf, with Paul I would always have a choice. If I had even whispered the word no he would have backed off.

"Please tell me you aren't still mad," he said. He cupped my face between both of his hands and met my eyes. "That you aren't doing this just to end our stupid fight." I pressed my forehead to his.

"I'm not mad," I said after a minute. His fingers shook slightly on my cheeks so I looked up into his eyes. They are pale hazel; almost the lightest shade of green I have ever seen. I had only seen his eyes like that once before; when I was on my knees in front of him. He is still struggling with his wolf and it pains me to see him holding so much back. "Don't fight it," I said softly.

"Bella…I," he said but then snapped his mouth closed.

"Tell me," I urged him. I can feel the shudder that goes through him at my words. It practically vibrates the space between us. I know I should probably be scared but instead I do the one thing that I know will set him off: slap him smartly on the cheek. The next thing I know my cheek is buried in the carpet; ass in the air. His hands are holding both my wrists easily and I can hear him tearing at his clothes with the other. And then he is inside of me. He released my wrists and instead places on hand on the back of my neck; holding my head down. The whole thing is so wild and primal and…exciting. I hover on the edge of pleasure and pain as he thrusts into me brutally.

The sound of his hips slapping into me fills the room along with his heavy breathing and growls. For once I am not making the noises and this makes me smile among it all. I can feel his hands tightly gripping both my neck and left hip and I know I will have a bruise on both. I can't even bring myself to care at that point. I orgasm only minutes into it and my cry is muffled by the carpet. I can hear him grunt as though he is pleased with himself and I smile again. His thrusts become gentler and he releases my neck. I raise myself shakily to my elbows and he caresses my back with a flat palm. Paul the gentle, giving lover is back; the wolf temporarily sated. I feel empty when he withdraws from me but he simply rolls onto his back; his hands urging me to move and straddle him.

"Are you okay?" He whispers. I realized that I must have winced when I straddled him.

"My knees hurt a little but I am fine," I said. He rolls us instead onto our sides; lifting my leg over his hip.

"Better?" He asked moving his hips experimentally.

"Much," I said with a sigh. Our eyes lock as our hips move together slowly. I am surprised by my second orgasm and then Paul groans; closing his eyes and biting his lip as he releases into me. He moves away only to lift me into his arms. He carries me into the bathroom and sets me on the toilet while he prepares a bath. I smell lavender and smile.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "Your knees are pretty red." There is a slight flicker of shame in his eyes when he says this.

"I'm fine," I said stretching my limps experimentally. Everything is a little shaky but nothing screams out in pain. He helps me into the bath and I sigh as the hot water soothes my now aching muscles.

"I didn't mean to…you know," he said stepping cautiously into the water with me.

"Be so rough," I finished for him. He nodded and then pulled me onto his lap. He let out a hiss when he moved my hair from the base of my neck. I knew he must be seeing the marks his fingers left there. "It doesn't hurt," I assured him. "You didn't hurt me I promise."

"You swear?" He asked kissing the mark.

"Cross my heart," I said. "But you know that needed to happen right?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" He asked sounding thoroughly confused.

"Your wolf needed that," I said. "Emily and Kim were telling me about that." He was silent for a full minute.

"I do feel much calmer," he said slowly. I tried to explain it the way it was in my head.

"Look through your wolf's eyes I challenged you. He doesn't like that much. And it was building up. This was just the only way to let it all out," I said. "Kim says it happens with Jared all the time." Paul laughed.

"Probably because she won't stop talking about how hot Johnny Depp is," Paul said. "It's all Jared thinks about on patrol."I dropped my head backward onto his shoulder.

"Just think of it as really rough sex," I said. "You might think you were hurting me but I came didn't I?" I asked.

"Twice," he said. Some of his apprehension seemed to melt away and he lifted me in his lap so I was facing him. "Let's make it three," he purred.


	15. Before I Went Under

**Control **

_Chapter Fifteen: Before I Went Under_

"I don't want you to do this," Paul said for the thousandth time the next day. Word had come through from Carlisle that "the last stand" would be happening this evening. He was squeezing my hand tightly and I could feel my hand starting to go slightly numb.

"I will keep her safe," Esme said reassuringly. At the last minute Sam had decided that Seth would be staying with Esme and I. I think this was mostly due to Paul but Sam insisted that it would be easier for us to know when it was safe to come out. Paul released my hand and pulled me roughly into his arms. My cheek collided with his chest as he squeezed me closer. Then he released me suddenly and strode away with Sam, Jared, Jasper and Carlisle.

"Shall we get started?" Esme asked both Seth and I. Seth produced his pocketknife and handed it to me. Esme made a face when I pricked my finger but otherwise didn't say anything. We walked along the pathway to the isolated spot they had chosen. My blood stained almost every tree along the way and surrounding the area. Seth disappeared into the bushes and phased; returning as a semi-scrawny wolf of nearly pure white. I opted to ride on his back rather than in Esme's arms and they ran; my fingers curled tightly into the hair on Seth's neck. When we slowed I knew we had reached the cave. I scrambled from Seth's back and watched as he rubbed on the trees near the cave. I knew he was trying to mask my scent.

"He's going to lay just outside the cave," Esme explained ushering me into the small space. There were several blankets, sleeping bags and pillows waiting. "To keep you warm," Esme explained at my questioning look.

"How long do you think this will take?" I asked wrapping myself in a large blanket and sitting on a pile of sleeping bags. How cold did they think I was going to get?

"We're not sure. It could be quick or it could take awhile," she said. "It was hard for him you know," she said softly.

"I know it was," I said. "Because it was just as hard for me."

"We always wanted that for you," she said quietly staring at her hands. "Edward was so insistent that you were his future but none of us truly believed that. Oh we wanted it but we knew somewhere out there was a love greater and more powerful." I could feel tears slipping from underneath my eyelashes.

"I wish I would have known that," I said dashing the tears away with the back of my hand. "Maybe I wouldn't have fought things so hard with Paul. Maybe we would have had more time before all of this." A howl startled us from conversation. Esme put a finger up to her lips and disappeared. I could hear nothing until what sounded like a thunderclap came from outside. Ignoring the sense of impending dread I stood and came to the entrance of the cave.

"Hello Bella," Victoria said. She had Esme pinned by the throat to the cave and Seth was lying in a heap underneath a tree. I could see blood staining his white fur. The rage that filled me rivaled nothing I had ever felt before.

"Let her go," I said calmly.

"Why should I?" She asked.

"If you let her go I will come with you," I said. I heard Seth whimper and my eyes flicked over to him briefly. He was struggling to get to his feet but it was apparent that one or both of his front legs were broken. Esme fell to the ground as Victoria released her grip.

"It's almost not as fun when they give up so easily," she said pouting. It was over in a blur. Seth snarled and her head separated from her body. He fell on top of her with a sickening crack and then a yelp. I was flying backward. It felt like I was moving in slow motion. I felt the sharp crack as my temple struck a rock. The world spun and I tripped over my own feet hazily while I watched Seth struggling to get to me. He didn't make it before I fell face first into the stone.

There were so many voices around me. Some were soft and gentle; lulling me into security. Others were harsh, rough and argumentative. I wanted to tell them not to worry; that I was okay but my body refused to listen. It lay lethargic as my mind screamed over and over and over again. The voices became less vague over time and I was able to pick out individuals based on their voices. My senses became sharper and my focus cleared. It felt like I was resurfacing after being held underwater for a long time.

"Her feet are moving," Esme's voice said. I had been trying to move my feet for what seemed like years.

"It might just be a reflex," came Carlisle's voice. I became aware of a pain in my arm but couldn't connect it with any injury.

I tried to say "not a reflex" but my voice came out garbled; like a badly wound cassette tape. There was a flurry of motion and I heard Carlisle calling out for someone.

"She's coming out of it," he was saying urgently. My abdomen felt heavy; swollen and there was an intense pain in my lower back. It was throbbing and aching. I felt a hot hand enclose mine and Paul's face was hazy.

"Bella?" He was asking in a quavering voice.

"Let me get that tube out of her throat and see if she can talk," Carlisle said. A minute later I was gagging on the plastic tube. Water trickled down my throat.

"Paul," I said in practically a whisper. His face twists and I can see his face flooding with tears.

"Yes kitten," he says. "I'm here." A sharp pain shoots through my abdomen again.

"Stomach…hurts…" was all I could manage to articulate before I had to close my eyes.

"She's having contractions," I heard Carlisle saying. Contractions? Was he talking about Emily? Was Emily here?

"It's a week early," Paul said clinging to my hand. What was a week early? My brain is hazy; foggy as I try to process what is going on around me.

"I need consent for the caesarian signed," Carlisle said. "Right now!" He snapped and I felt Paul release my hand. Why would Paul need to sign Emily's paperwork, I thought fuzzily. "You need to put this on if you are coming," Carlisle said. I heard rustling and then I felt my bed rolling. Another pain in my abdomen made me moan.

"Can you give her something for the pain?" Paul asked.

"She'll get an anesthetic once we are in the OR," Carlisle said. I heard several doors opening and shutting. I lost track of time and slipped back into oblivion.

"She's coming around," Carlisle was saying. I opened my eyes and everything came into focus easily this time. I heard a buzzing noise and felt my bed lifting under my head until I was in a sitting position. Everyone was in the room; and I do mean everyone. Paul was standing off to the side of my bed and he wore a tired smile. I moved my head slightly to the other side and saw Carlisle holding a tan skinned, dark haired baby and Esme held another. Did Emily have twins?

"Do you want to hold them?" Carlisle was asking. I could feel myself nod and the two warm bodies are secured into my arms. And I know without any doubt that they are mine.

"How?" I asked. Their warm faces burrow into my chest; rooting around presumably for food. Paul crawls into bed beside me and gazes down at me holding the babies.

"Babe you have been in a coma for eight months," he said. My gasps make the babies cry out so I try to calm my heartbeat.

"You conceived right before the battle," Alice piped in. "There were several arguments about abortion," there she glared at Edward who I hadn't noticed until then. He didn't even have the decency to look ashamed. I could feel Paul's hands smoothing the hair away from my forehead.

"I didn't think that would be what you wanted," he said. "One and two here wouldn't be here with us if that were the case."

"They don't have names?" I asked. Paul laughed.

"They were only born a couple of hours ago. I thought you might like to pick the names. They are two boys," he said proudly smiling at me.

"I think they saved my life," I said gazing down at their tiny perfection. As if the conversation had bored them they had faded off to sleep. "I was underwater but I felt…pain."

"You went into labor," Carlisle said. "The shock of it must have woken you up." A lump forms in my throat as I look down at them. I had never really thought about having kids. They were perfect carbon copies of Paul down to the wrinkle of their tiny noses.

"I thought we could name one Charles," Paul said pressing his lips to my temple. A sob choked me and he rubbed his nose against my hair.

"Charles William for him," I whispered indicating the one snuggled against my right breast. "Nathan Seth," for him I said pressing my nose into the one cuddled at my left breast.

"Why Seth?" Paul asked quietly. I can see Seth blushing even across the room.

"If not for Seth none of the three of us would be here," I said quietly.

"It's true," Esme said. I can feel the babies being lifted from my arms and I try to protest but I am too tired. Paul pressed his lips to my temple again.

"Sleep kitten," he said. "They'll be right here when you wake up." I slipped peacefully back into the depths.


	16. Peace When You Are Done

**Control**

_Chapter Sixteen: Peace When You Are Done_

*Edwards POV*

(Six years later)

I stand; frozen with indecision. Bella is sitting on the front porch; coffee mug clutched between her slim fingers. Six years of being a mother has only served to enhance her beauty. I am captivated by her as the sun touches her auburn hair. I take one step forward only to shrink back into the tree line as Charles and Nathan come barreling out the front door; shattering the peaceful morning. I have been watching them grow for years and it astounds me how much of Bella their youthful faces show.

"Mom where's Dad?" Nathan asks crawling into her lap even though there is clearly no room. Nathan was the momma's boy of the two. Charles was more like his namesake; quiet, thoughtful and peaceful. Bella ruffled Nathan's hair and set down her coffee.

"He went to get you two a special breakfast," she said. "It's your first day of first grade you know." Just then Paul appeared and I shrank further back into the trees but remained in earshot.

"Clown donuts for the clowns," Paul teased. He lifted Charles (or Charlie as he already preferred) into his arms. I noticed that Paul paid special attention to Charles who often got less attention than his vivacious brother. Bella's face became radiant when Paul bent down to kiss her.

"Good morning," she said. The boys exchanged glances that clearly said "gross!" before reaching for their frosted donuts. Paul's face lifted suddenly and his eyes found mine even through the brush. His were wary; territorial. I held up my hands and melted back into the trees.

(Five years later)

My feet have once again carried me to her cabin in the woods. I could never think of it as "theirs" despite their two beautiful children and ten years of marriage. Before I can decide what to do the door flies open and Bella comes darting out. Now thirty, she is beautiful still in a more elegant way. A few seconds later Paul follows. I follow them stealthily through the trees. I can hear her laughing and then they come into view.

Paul has her pressed into a tree; his face buried between breasts that are bared to the open air. I know I should look away but I am mesmerized by her raw sensuality. His hands are working at the zipper on her jeans and then I can smell her. The scent of her arousal hits me like a freight train and I force myself to remain perfectly still. Any movement from me and he will discover me. He drops to his knees in front of her; lifting one of her legs over his shoulder. I get a glimpse of bare, perfectly pink flesh before he drops his face between her thighs.

Her face is a mask of pleasure and my cock responds to the sensual picture presented. I reach out and enter Paul's mind; trying to capture this one moment in time. His thoughts are jumbled; almost incoherent. _Fuck tastes so good…hell yeah she liked that…sweet…wow that was quick…hmm I wonder if…need more._ His thoughts suddenly come into sharp focus; shocking me. _I know you are out there fucking stalker. Too bad you'll never get to taste this._ And I flee.

(Four years later)

I stand behind a tree; shielded but close enough to know what is going on. She is crying and I ache to reach out to her but I don't dare. Paul has his arm curled protectively around her and she is clutching Charlie to her other side. He is so much like Paul in appearance but still so much like Bella's father. A picture of Nathan, smiling, sits next to a mahogany casket covered in sunflowers. I can see Charlie fighting off tears but Bella's grief strikes home.

"To everything there is a season," the pastor is saying but I barely listen. Nathan and Charlie had snuck out to go to a party the night of their fifteenth birthday. Nathan drank heavily while Charlie abstained. When Nathan became belligerent Charlie decided to walk home; leaving their shared vehicle with Charlie. Nathan's car slid on a wet patch and he hit a tree going way too fast. It was the second biggest regret of my life. I had been just five minutes too late to save his young life. Paul's head lifted suddenly and he looked straight at the tree I was hiding behind.

_Time to leave_ he thought at me. _This is not your place Leech._

(Ten years later)

"Is this who I think it is?" I asked almost breaking my cell phone in half.

"It is exactly who you think it is leech," Paul's voice spat at me. There would only be one reason for him to call. I wait for the bomb to drop. "She is asking for you. Room 232." The click alerted me to the fact that he had hung up. I made it to the hospital in just under an hour. I found the room easily and slipped inside. Paul wasn't there and I figured he had been asked to give us some privacy. When I saw Bella; smelled her I knew something must be wrong. Her normal scent is marred; like old blood. Her skin is paler than normal; eyes huge in her face. But when she smiles at me she is seventeen again and I drop to my knees next to her bed.

"Hi there," she says. I take her hand and press it to my cheek.

"What happened?" I choke out. She smiles faintly.

"Ovarian cancer," she said and my heart falls to my stomach. "It was too late when they finally found it. It spread too fast."

"And your boy?" I asked. She didn't seem to question how I knew she only had one son left. Paul must have told her that I made stops there among the years.

"He's off getting some coffee. He's getting married you know," she says peacefully. "To Emily and Sam's daughter." I can picture the girl in my mind and I can't help but smile a little.

"And your husband?" I asked. A look of irritation flits across her face.

"He didn't want you to come you know," she said conversationally. "But I thought it was only fair…for you to have your chance to say goodbye." There are no tears from her. I am dry sobbing by this time; wishing I had to the ability to actually cry for the first time in my nearly 200 years of life.

"I can't do it," I am finally able to spit out. There is true pity in her eyes.

"You can and you will. This is life Edward. And I will get to see my Nathan again," she says sounding wistful.

"Say your goodbyes and go," a deep voice that I do not recognize says from behind me. I turn to see Charlie, grown up and the mirror image of Paul, standing in the doorway. I can see in his eyes that he knows exactly who and what I am. Paul comes up behind him and slips into the room. Bella lights up when she sees him; even now on her fucking deathbed he wins. I slip out the door but pause outside the room. I hear a soft whisper of breath and then soul searing pain drops me to my knees as her heart stutters to a stop. I hear the soft whisper of a kiss and Paul's voice floats out the door.

"I'll see you soon my love," he says. Charlie rushes past me and I watch as he slams his fist repeatedly into a wall which cracks under the strain. Paul is remarkably calm when he comes out the door and he stops in front of me; his eyes trained on Charlie who had sunk to the floor; clutching his face in his hands sobbing.

"You need to promise me that you will look out for him," Paul said. I can see the loss still etched in his face. I don't even attempt to read his thoughts. I am too lost in my own pain.

"Why can't you?" I all but growl at him. His smile is sad as he watches Emily and Sam's daughter gather his son up into her arms.

"A wolf never lives long after his imprint is gone," he said. His eyes had a faraway look to them. "She had her regrets you know," he said suddenly snapping his eyes to mine. I swallow the lump in my throat.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He shrugged; the gesture a throwback to his younger days.

"She wished that you two would have made your peace after the boys were born," he said. "She never said it out loud but I could tell. I thought you should know."

"At least she forgave me in the end," I said slowly. I know that Bella never fully got over my suggestion that the pregnancy be aborted while she was in her coma.

"You never answered me," he said suddenly. I didn't need to know what he was asking about.

"I'll keep Charlie safe," I promised. He nodded once.

"I don't suspect we'll be seeing each other again," he said turning to walk away. Before he was three steps away he looked at me over his shoulder. "I get to see her again first," he said. I choked out a laugh. My afterlife had new purpose now. I would keep Charlie safe. I would keep his children and children's children safe. And when none of my Bella was left I would hopefully join her in the next life. I couldn't fail her and I wouldn't again.


End file.
